Taiping Bulldozer

Ah, I was just going through some of my old mail when I found this one, about me, written by one of my favourite writers on Phases, Jessica Lim.

Enjoy!

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Taiping Bulldozer
by Jessica Lim

Daylight was fading. I sat outside the Ampang Park Putra station, engrossed in a solo game of Scrabbles using a miniature Scrabbles set. Before long, I heard the unmistakable sound of Arthur's car beep. I squinted at his headlights. He was waving half shyly. There was a figure seated beside him. I briefly wondered who it was.

I quickly discovered it was Vysia. I looked at her dancing eyes and felt pure energy radiating from her. It made me feel strangely tired.

"So. Where you staying while you're in KL?" I asked her politely.
"With you lah." she said.
"Oh." I said.
"Oops." Arthur said.

So that was how Vysia ended up staying at the Midah Zoo.

We headed for Actor's Studio, with a nervous Arthur glancing at the clock on the dashboard every 5 seconds. He was supposed to be there earlier to book tickets. On the way, Arthur pointed out the fountain near Dataran Merdeka.

"The Truncated Phallus," he announced, perhaps with a hint of pride.
"The WHAT?" Vysia burst into racuous laughter as she eyed the massive sculpture of periuk keras.
"That's what Pang calls it." he said.
"Looks more like a combination of truncated phalluses." I remarked thoughtfully.

Upon arriving, we saw the arresting figure of Zedeck from the other end of the hall. With him was Ryan. Ryan gave us a toothy grin. Vysia and I escaped to the open air field above, containing the highest flagpole in South East Asia (or something).

"How romantic" she remarked, for the 3rd time. The green field was bathed in a luminous glow. The breeze from the passing cars could easily be mistaken for a sea breeze if one had a little imagination and a nasal defect. She proceeded to describe the loveliness of Taiping.

"Under every tree got Malay couple," she said. "Very romantic."
"You're a romantic person, aren't you?"
"I was being SARCASTIC, couldn't you tell?"

During the play later, the studio was silent. The lights came on to reveal Pang seated comfortably on an easy chair, reading a worn issue of newspaper. We waited in bated breath for the first words to be said.

"That's Pang ah?" came a loud whisper from behind me. It was Vysia.

After the play, which I must say was really something, we headed to Bangsar for mamak. It was Lotus, the ever famous Bangsar mamak.

"I've been here before." remarked Vysia brightly. It was to be a phrase I would be hearing many times over the coming days.
"Here? Bangsar? Why?" asked the homebody, Arthur. "The last time I was here was during SPM."
"I came here when staying with my friends."

We were seated in the noisy interior of the mamak when Vysia confidentially took me aside and asked if I would like to see a picture of her in form one. I shrugged non-commitally. Why not? I took one look at the photograph and gaped.

"That's not you." I said.
"It IS, it IS! Don't look like me huh." she said.

The photo was a normal 3R sized one. The girl in the picture was semi squatting, holding a basketball. Her head was inclined slightly to one side, allowing a mass of straight hair to fall perfectly in place. The eyes were large and expressive, the lips curved into a sweet smile. The light fell strategically in place to enhance the smoothness of the girl's complexion. It made her look ethereal. Like an angel.

"Whoa." I said again. "This is not you."

By this time, the photo was being quickly circulated around the table. Loud exclamations of disbelief filled the air.

"Your sister ah?" said Ken Yen, his eyes narrowed in cynicism.
"It's the lightings." said Pang.
"Graphically enhanced one ah? Use photoshop is it?" said another voice.

Vysia said "See. I'm beauty turned into a beast."

Ken Yen immediately siezed the picture and held it far away from Vysia. "I'm gonna put this in modelzoom.com."
"NOOOOOOOO" came the answer from a hysterical Vysia as she made several weak attempts to retrieve her picture.

It was midnight when we reached home. Vysia fell in love with Ah Miaw and my LambChop. Lambchop is one of the newest additions to the Midah Zoo, an adorable 4 week old Bull Mastiff.

At about 12.45 a.m, I left the room to attend to a phone call. Vysia was already engrossed in a novel she found on my bookshelf, Demon Seed by Dean Koontz. When I got back into the room over an hour later, she was still reading. We stayed up talking until 4 in the morning. I was particularly amused by her tale of how she and her friends walked around Taiping smelling like a cross between a chemical experiment gone awry and rotten fruit salad with putrid mayonaise. Ask her about it.

The next day we headed to my old school, MBS for sports day. At first I was slightly apprehensive about how I'd entertain this energetic bundle of sunshine, but I my fears were unfounded. Almost immediately, she was surrounded by a crowd of admiring guys. I felt myself being pushed to the back of the pulsating crowd. She stood on a little bench-like structure which allowed her to look at the boys eye level. Arthur and I found outselves at the outskirts of the crowd, straining our eyes to catch a glimpse of Vysia.

"There she is." I told him, pointing. He nodded gravely.

After separating Vysia from her newfound horde of admirers, we headed to KLCC. Arthur and I visibly stiffened as we watched the Taiping girl bulldoze across the busy Masjid Jamek street, as if challenging the speeding cars to mow her down. She stood nonchalantly and maybe even impatiently while Arthur and myself waited for a break in the traffic to venture across the road.

"Wah, in Taiping no cars one ah?" said Arthur incredulously.
"If you wait forever then no need to cross la." she said flippantly, like it was the most simple fact in the world.

As usual, we were fickle over where to have lunch. We wanted A&W floats, but we didn't want to eat there. Across the corridor, the Fish Shop beckoned us invitingly.

"Okay. Why not we buy the drinks here then take it into Fish Shop to eat." I said.
"Can meh? They shoo you out la." said Arthur, forever the stickler for rules
"Can one la."

And so we did. We bought some chocolates for charity from a lady, planning to bring it to Diffusion later in the day. We chose peppermint.

The night before Vysia and I planned to bake cakes and cookies. This may seem like a normal venture for girls, but for me it was a undertaking of a lifetime. I cannot cook for nuts, and every culinary effort of mine ends in disaster. In fact, when I was telling a few of my school mates that I planned to bake that afternoon, they said "Em... well. Nevermind la. The bomba very near your house isn't it?"

We had to go shopping for ingredients. Arthur had gone home by then. He said he was too tired, but we think he chickened out. We picked up a free sample of some tinned curry, which she declared as "quite nice." She offered me a small morsel. I don't think I have ever shopped for groceries. Vysia expertly navigated the aisles, picking out various ingredients and throwing them into the basket.

"Flour. We need flour."
"Here" I said, holding up a packet.
"No, we need FLOUR, not cornflour."
"Oh. Okay. Here" I said, taking up another packet.
"No, we need SELF RAISING flour."
"Got such thing one ah?" I asked.

After the shopping ordeal, we bundled ourselves into the LRT. Feeling tired, we sat on the floor of the Putra. This, of course, evoked stares from fellow commuters, but we didn't care. Too tired lah.

The baking process began harmlessly enough. I got the dusty weighing scale from the top of my fridge.

"Okay. 11 ounces of butter." said Vysia.
"Um. The scale only got grammes. How many grammes?" I said.
"Uh. How I know ah?"
"Times 2.5 is it?"
"No kua. I don't think so."

By the time 5 minutes passed, I had a fine layer of flour over the table and the floor. I was sifting the flour, see?

"Off the fan la, aiyyoh." she told me.
"Yeah hoh." I said.

And for the interest of the people at diffusion, an egg shell was dropped into the cake accidentally and could not be retrieved. I wonder which one of you hungry writers ate it.

I'll skip talking about diffusion. Let Vysia tell you about that.

I was tired when I reached home. Vysia conked out early as well. I was on the phone in my room, where she was sleeping, so I was still awake. I heard her muttering in her sleep, and actually thought she was awake.

"What is it?" I asked her. There was no response. That was when I discovered that Vysia talks in her sleep. She also let out some loud sighs. It's quite shocking to hear them in the dead stillness of the night, really. When I told her about it in the morning, she grinned and told me that her friends told her the same thing. She once tried leaving a tape recorder on while she slept, but the tape ran out before her mutterings started.

So that was day 1 and 2 of Vysia's Stay. I've been typing here non stop for an hour. Vysia sits here by my side, sometimes bursting into loud protests, sometimes rolling about laughing at the recollections. She'll have to defend herself in another email, though.

I can't possibly write about day 3 and 4 here, I'm tired.
Tomorrow she wants to watch a midnight movie.


Yawns from
Jessica
2 April 2001