By golly!

I've been cooking a whole lot yesterday. Take a peek at the scrumtious delicacies I cooked and had for lunch, tea and dinner yesterday. Yummy innit?

Yes, in case you're wondering, those green little pods are indeed petai aka stink beans.

Sungguh tak sangka can get petai here.

So happy.

I absolutely love petai. Ask any of my friends, they can attest to that. I'm prolly the Petai Queen if there ever was one. Don't care if its stinky, it's got a comfort factor that makes me feel loved.

Everytime I go back to Taiping, my mom would painstakingly go around searching for these little treasures and somehow manage to find them even if they're not in season.

She'll lovingly prepare fresh sambal and buy king prawns to cook up the dish for me, served with steamed white rice. Heavenly.

Sigh, a mother's love.

Everytime my siblings see my mom buying petai, they'd immediately ask, "Ma, jiejie [big sister] coming home issit?"

I miss my mummy.

omigod i'm so emo now, thinking of her makes my eyes water.

Nevermind, I shall be strong. Promise myself I'll make her proud of me, make all her sacrifices somehow seem worthwhile.

Sigh.

I love you mummy
because you've always been there for me
to kiss the pain for the wounded knee away,
to soothe the pain of the broken heart.

I love you mummy,
because you always have a knack
of knowing if I've had a bad day
of calling at moments when I need you the most.

I love you mummy,
because you've been oh so strong
in handling the adversities life throws at you
in coming out a winner, time and time again.

I love you mummy,
because... because...
I love you, mummy -
just because.

* * *

Ma, I so miss you.

I miss your cooking, I miss staying up the whole night talking to you, I miss your jokes, the way you like to say that I make your toes giggle, the way we exchange beauty tips.

I miss helping you masak in the kitchen. Nevermind if its just to stir the food. And that you never ask me to do the dishes because you know how much I hate that chore.

I miss shopping trips with you, having just to pick and choose what I want and let you pay for it. One day, the time will come for your turn to pick and choose and let me pay for whatever you want. I miss visiting the Shisheido counter with you, the facials, the massages. I miss massaging your knotted back and your temples after you've had a rough day at work.

I even miss your screaming and banging your foot on the imaginary brake on the passenger side when you taught me how to drive.

I admire how you almost singlehandedly raised the 4 of us. I can't even take care of myself properly and to think you were already married and had me at this age.

I admire the way you made sure we never missed out on oppurtunities. How you made me go for this lesson, that class, everything. I hated it then, now I know you wanted us to have the best there was to offer. I also admire the way you made sure we never missed any school activities. Even if it meant that you have to go off at your much need half an hour break to send me to school. Even if it meant that all you have for sustanence is just some crackers and water on the go.

Things that I took for granted, things I never appreciated. Oh, how I treasure them now.

Words can never express how thankful I am. No, words are too cheap for that. Mom, someday soon, I'll show you how grateful I am.

I know I've never said this before, but... I love you, mom.

Just because.

Face value

Tried the oh-so-famous Faceanalyser, and got a few of my friends to do it as well.

My celebmatch is...
*jeng*jeng*jeng*

Faye Wong.

My intelligence conform just average only. Sigh, my dream of being a superpower genius and take over the world has been dashed. All the reruns of Pinky and the Brain didn't do me any good. At all.

But then again, with just average ambitions, however did the thought of taking over the world enter my mind?

Once again, the world is safe from wannabe control freaks who only can talk of taking over the world, but lack the drive and ambition to do so.

I do like though, the income bracket I've been put into. Whee! I'm gonna be rich! Then can buy all the shoes and handbags I want. I'm that shallow yea? Less intelligence and higher ambitions, I'd turn into a bimbo.

*blek*

My mom is so gonna be heartbroken when she finds out that I'm lacking in the politeness department. After all those years of trying to instill extolled virtues and reminding me to mind my Ps & Qs, the result is a rebellious daughter with only a 4.7 score in politeness.

My archtype is the White Collar, but I was hoping to get Artist ke, Charmer ke... sigh, I guess I'm more a conformist than I thought I was...

Nah, don't take these things too seriously. I put someone else's picture in it, mind you, she's one of the top students since secondary school, and she ended up in the 'Low Intelligence' band. Should've seen the look in her face. And the poor girl, who's features scream, "I'm CHINESE", somehow ended up with 86% East Indian, 10% South Ease Asian, and 4% Korean/Japanese. Plus scored a 'Very high gay factor'. Heh, would never have thought she had sapphic tendencies.

Trauma man.

Anyways, go and try it yourselves. Just for laughs.

Shoot the messenger

People don't really want to know the truth, do they?

They'd rather hear sugar-coated half truths. Pay them compliments and they'll eat it up like M&Ms.

What do you do when your friend is headed down the primrose path of self-destruction? What do you do if you think that your friend needs some shaking up, some telling off, else they are headed for trouble?

But you also know that if you're the one to do it, even in care, the adage 'shoot the messanger' holds true.

You could do the right thing, and suffer the repurcussions.

Or you could just keep quiet, shrug it off, and tell yourself, "its not my life, he's an adult capable of thinking for himself..." and know that deep down inside, you're just making excuses for your cowardice. Feeling like a hypocrite for letting something like that get away.

I don't know.

Sometimes, I feel like I don't know what I believe in anymore. My principles in life, once set in black and white, are now in blurry shades of grey.

I need an overhaul. I need to spring clean my soul. I need to set my priorities right. I need to know where and what I stand for, else I fall for anything.

Where do I begin?

Happiness is...

un cafe creme

... long talks with girlfriends over cups of mochachinos at Cafe Randezvous.

... vanilla ice-cream, sandwiched between warm crunchy toast on a cool summer evening.

... my own private haven, curled up with a novel en deshabille if I want.

... renditions of beautiful string orchestras, flooding the room with melodious serenity.

... lavender scented candles and fluffy pillows.

... lazy Tuesday afternoons....

* * *

its the little things in life that enrich our lives and makes it worth living. little things that we take for granted, but will sorely miss when we don't get enough of them.

feeling oh so feline-y.

*purrr*

Freaky fairy dream

I had the weirdest dream last night.

I was at a chicken rice shop, with my dad, and then suddenly JoyceTheFairy turned up to do a food review there. Asked us to join makan, saying, "Don't waste food!"

And then she turned into Wynona Ryder. Cowboy setting, like in the Wild Wild West. Started shooting at a group of bandits, then she sang, ala Minnie Mouse, "Fairy comes to save the day...". Damn funny, coming from a Wynona Ryder-esque JoyceTheFairy.

Thing is, I've never even met her before.

Wah liao. Jialat jialat.

Obviously been reading too many blogs.

-_-

WOMEN!

It wasn't a virus. It wasn't a worm. It wasn't spyware.

But...

It had me running around in panic. I called Yuen Li in Nottingham and gave him a blow by blow account of what happened to my keyboard. He asked me to run a virus scan, download Ad-aware and other anti-spyware stuff and all that, didn't solve the matter.

I called the Fujitsu call centre. They couldn't help me either. They suggested I send my baby all the way to Edinborough to get it checked.

I briefly contemplated on getting another laptop, a 10" Sony like the one Melissa bought. I think its less than 1kg. But I cannot be disloyal to my baby.

I called Weng Weng at 3am Malaysian time, in tears and panicking because of the presentation.

I stayed up till about 5am UK time, running virus scan after virus scan, with an occasional tear splattering on the keyboard.

I prayed to God and promised that I'd be good.

I threathened God by saying I'd an atheist if the keyboard continues to fuck up.

Then decided that better be nice to God, so said sorry God, and that I'd believe in Him no matter what, but don't try me too much, I'm not Job.

I asked Sophy to reformat my computer. But she was busy with her presentation, so promised to do it another day.

I cried myself to sleep. And woke up with swollen slits for eyes.

I transferred my files into Shin Yee's laptop. And then I checked my mail. I had a comment. Daniel said to check my numlock.

I was like, what the hell, and so pressed the numlock button once. ANd voila, everything allright again.

I called Weng Weng to tell him the whole thing is settled and thanked him for trying to help. He asked what I did. I reluctantly said, "um, numlock was on"

Then suddenly silence, before he burst into raucous laughter. All he said was, "WOMEN!"

*hrmph*

Then called the Fujitsu Customer service to say everythings okay. They asked me what I did. I told them again. Get this, the WHOLE office laughed! And the guy at the other end just said, "WOMEN!"

Damn shy.

Lewre sucks

In UK, return policies are taken for granted as a statutary right of the customers, but not so Malaysia. It's usually stated in the receipt that "Goods sold are not returnable/exchangable/refundable", which absolutely is terrible. I recall an incident where I bought a pair of shoes and the strap broke after ONE day, and had hell trying to get a refund. In the end I brought the case up to the Tribunal Tuntutan Pengguna and won. Lewre had to give me my money back, which wasn't all that much, after all the other expenses concurred in trying to bring them up in the Tribunal, calls to CAP and letters to The Star, but it sure was damn satisfying. I just found an old entry of the incident:

* * *
9 June 2004

Things I have to do:

1. Prepare for the court proceedings against Lewre (I went to the Tribunal Tuntutan Pengguna, weehey!)

2. Prepare letter to CAP, SIRIM, Star and *possibly* Rafidah Aziz.

Why the animousity against Lewre? Well, simply because their shoes really suck, for false advertising (don't believe ANYTHING they say on the Lewre/Roondy website, it's all LIES!) and for crimes against comsumerism.

I bought a pair of Lewre shoes for RM279 (and it's not even pretty, mind you) and the straps broke after only ONE day! Went to the shop to repair it, they didn't even bother to call after that, I had to call them and then they told me that the shoes cannot be repaired and that i was supposed to choose another pair (plus i don't get a refund if the shoes cost less, and have to pay if the shoes cost more - WTF?!) I went to their shop and the shoes they sold were, in my personal opinion, hideous, aunty shoes that no self respecting woman would buy! So I asked for a refund. They refused, saying that the receipt clearly stated that goods sold are not returnable/exchangable/refundable. Excuse me, they offered me an exchange although it was CLEARLY stated there that "goods sold are not returnable/exchangable/refundable". After a lot of emails to ANDY VOON (Brand Manager, Roondy), they became nasty. So I decided to bring the case up to the Tribunal.

I had a talk to a few friends about the shoes as well, they've all bought Lewre shoes before, well, just because they wanted something extravagant to splurge on, and they all agreed that Lewre shoes isn't quality shoes. Or as Liz puts it, "Their shoes bite, it's not the least comfy, and they don't last at all!" (hers lasted for about 2 months before their heels became loose). Anyway, they've all agreed that Lewre is a one off thing... cheaters to the max. And we hope Lewre goes bankrupt. But it'll be better if they improve though. I mean, I have to give them credit for having come this far.

Mind you, Lewre's supposedly an international brand. Memalukan negara only with this kind of feedback. Utterly shameful. They shouldn't be allowed to export their shoes. Puh-leese... Vincci deserves better... they offer comfort, quality and style... my Vincci shoes actually lasted for 4 years! And I can still wear them, although they're a bit worn out from daily use, rain and shine... Kudos to Vincci.

Plus it worries me that Lewre supposedly has SIRIM or ISO recognition, but doesn't adhere to safety standards. Excuse me, if the straps snapped while I was going down the stairs, I could have fell down and hurt myself. Same with the heels... Imagine the heels on Liz's pair of Lewre shoes breaking while she was crossing the road and she slips and fall, she might just get run over by a car! Makes me wonder how they get their SIRIM anyway, as role is to act as: (http://www.sirim.my/)

· A champion of quality
· The national technology development corporation
· Vehicle for technology transfer
· A provider of institutional and technical infrastructure for the Government

If people from SIRIM are reading this, please give me your views. How come Lewre that produce such low quality shoes can have SIRIM certification? I just don't understand. But I do understand 'duit kopi'... not that i'm suggesting anything. No prove, right?

"The launch of its new building, Wisma Roondy, and in-house labels for the local and export market in Oct 1997 as witnessed By Yang Berhormat Datuk Seri Rafidah Aziz, The Minister of International Trade and Industry, proves Roondy's ability to portray its strength and credibility to emerge as a respectable label with Malaysia identity and proper branding strategies to compete internationally alongside other globally known labels." (http://www.lewre.com.my/ - about us)

Strength and credibility? Sorry, Lewre, I think you've lost a lot of credibility among many many many of the Malaysian youth. You're not a respectable label and we refuse to recognise you as our 'ambassador' for our Malaysian identity. In fact, we'd be ashamed to. We'll stick to Jimmy Choo. Anytime, anyday. I have no respect for Lewre, not for their whatever managers, for their brand, or their shoes.

As for "competing internationally alongside other globally known labels", give me a break. First of all, can you compete with even Jukebox or not? Jukebox shoes may be cheap, but they're better than Lewre's shoes anytime! And you're not even talking about Marie Claire or Vincci yet... how do you expect to compete with Hushpuppies, or Manolo Blahnik, or Marc Jacobs?! Please, come out of that reverie of yours.

It irks me that the Lewre people totally ignored me after knowing that I'm only 21 years old. Excuse me, I might be 21, but I'm a consumer too. I bought a pair of your shoes, that were huge mistakes, by the way. But that doesn't mean that you can treat me with disrespect. That doesn't mean that you can ignore my requests and questions.

People like you are don't see things in the long run, do you? Disrespect the youth of today and the leaders of tomorrow will not have respect for you. We are the future mainstream consumers, we'll be the ones who'll be buying all the office shoes and whatever not. But you forget. Big mistake. The salesgirl wasn't nice when I went to pick replacement shoes as well, she was rude and made a show of annoyance for the extra work she had to do. Well, if the people on top are already so bad, could I have expected the ones at the bottom to be any better? Damn, I don't like Roondy's employees. They're not courteous. Service with a smile? *cynical laugh* How untrue when it comes to Lewre/Roondy.

What happened to the consumer's right to redress? According to http://www.kpdnhq.gov.my/kpdn/hep/BPD/3_2002/3_2002_4.htm, we have the right to "receive a fair settlement of just claims, including compensation for misrepresentation, shoddy goods or unsatisfactory services". Doens't the case itself stink of "shoddy goods" and not to mention "unsatisfactory services"? A shoe that needs repair just one day after being purchased and then cannot be repaired so obviously fits into the "shoddy goods" category. And brand managers or salegirls who ignore you because you're young, well, I'd call it "unsatisfactory services".

Goodness, I can go on and on ranting and griping about Lewre / Roondy. But it's late and I'm tired.

But if who are thinking about buying a pair of Lewre shoes or thinking of endorsing Lewre anywhere in the world, well, you've been warned. It's sad to say, but Lewre is dissappointing. I was hoping that they would follow Jimmy Choo's footsteps and make Malaysia proud, but they seem to be doing the opposite now. But I do hope they'd prove me wrong one day though. I hope that one that I'd proudly say that Lewre IS a Malaysian brand and be proud to say it. But until then, I think that Lewre sucks and I was suckered into buying their 'shoody goods'.
Some of the Lewre shoes in pictures:

Notice the slingbacks with the caption "The happy bride will glow thanks to the pearls on these slingbacks".

I doubt if she would be a glowy, happy bride if she was walking down the aisle and the straps of the slingbacks (that actually supports her legs) snaps and she falls. Which was actually what happened to me, except that it was during a presentation. Urgh! Yeaps, the straps of my brand new Lewre slingbacks snapped on me one day after I bought it. Absurd? Better believe it. The quality control is THAT BAD!

Anyway, more articles and links.

Roondy to promote high-end shoes through branding by Cheah Chor Sooi

It says there that "The company will emphasize becoming a reliable original equipment manufacturer (OEM) by mastering the latest product design, conforming to high product quality " and say that they plan to "achieve constant improvement in quality".

I think they've achieved the opposite. They're not improving but depreciating in quality. Liz bought hers last year, they lasted 2 months, I bought mine in February, they lasted for LESS THAN ONE DAY! So maybe these are isolated cases, but still, to think that I actually know another disgruntled customer... there must be plenty more dissatisfied customers out there. And Karcy wasn't too happy about her pair of Lewre shoes as well. Haha.

Plus he name-dropped Dato' Jimmy Choo, "I also work closely with Datuk Jimmy Choo's couture designing team whenever I am in London to share both their fashion trends and product innovation," he (Mr. Lew) said. Yeesh, I would expect something better, more stylish and of better quality since he "works closely" with Dato' Jimmy Choo who probably has an impeachable reputation for style and quality, since Princess Di was a loyal customer of his.
It also says that "the company spends more than RM500,000 a year on human resource development and information technology to strengthen the competency of its product development, procurement and quality control teams," or so managing director Lew Fong Vo said.

If they had such a great quality control team, the shoes that I bought wouldn't have been on the display rack in the first place. Last I heard, the whole batch of shoes were being recalled. But I'm not too sure about it, so I cannot really say. But I can confidently say that their more than RM500,000 a year on human resource development seems to be going to waste as their service is so bad that I wouldn't want to talk to their brand managers or whatever managers again or even buy any Lewre shoes ever again. And I'm not alone in this - a lot of people wouldn't buy Lewre shoes after buying it once as well.

Another interesting read, not related to Lewre, but more to consumerism is this enlightening commentary from Era Consumer Malaysia.

Art therapy

I like doodling, but I can only doodle when I'm either:

a) seriously depressed
b) super damned stressed out
c) assignment due in 2-3 days

Damn my sense of timing. Why must it be that I only reach my creative peak at the most inconvenient of times, cannot come when I'm bored ke, happy ke all that ah?

Well beggars can't be choosers. And so I'm waiting for my next downtime to get my creative self working.

Hey, I've got artistic temperament you know!

Don't play play.

Anyway...

this I made for my room door...



And this for my godbro Iryan, cos he's really really into music and he was so nice as to layan me while I bitch about everything to him...

Orbituary

Overheard in class yesterday.

"Eh, whats obituary ah?"

"I think its a cluster of planets kot?

"You sure or not..."

"Ntah, tanya Leslie (our lecturer)"

"Taknak la, wait I check dictionary..." Flips through dictionary and finds out that obituary does not mean cluster of planets. "Eh.... bukan lah."

*peals of laughter from the girls pulling her leg*

She calls me Vivi

Not many people call me that. Its a name reserved for those who has known me long enough to know the origin of the name, it's a name reserved for my closest friends.

And in a way, she is.

She knows my dreams, my hopes, my fears.

She knows my pet peeves, she knows how to get around me when I'm moody.

She knows my weaknesses and strengths.

She knows one of my darkest secrets. The secret I recoil from even thinking about.

She nags me to drink more water. She drags me to facial sessions with her at Leonard Drake. And at night, before we sleep, we would have a 45 minute home-facial daily, but the time passes in a blink of an eye, because we're constantly gossiping and exchanging juicy tidbits about the people we know.

We used to shop together. Whipping out our credit cards out like tomorrow never comes. And after spending money we don't earn, we'd eat at Yoshinoya, or Manhattan Fish Market. Or get our favourite spaghetti and yummy lattes at Dome. Or steaming hot mochas at Starbucks.

On weeks we feel like splurging on ourselves, we'd go all the way to KLCC for lovely soft shell crabs, udon and green tea ice cream at Ozeki.

Sometimes its days in at Anjung Skud. Sometimes its tapau bak kut teh for her from Section 17. Sometimes its lazy days eating instant noodles. And boy, did we have an assortment!

She helps me with my assignments. She's always the rajin one, gathering sources while I try to get some on my own, give up, and then get the rest from her. She's generous that way. She always finishes her assignments days before its due to be handed in. Me, I do mine hours before. And she puts up with me. She puts up with my moaning that I never have the time to do it. She puts up with nightlights on when she wants to sleep in total darkness.

She stood by me amidst accusations. She held me when I cried. She shared my joys. She also told me off when I did something wrong.

She was, a friend through and through.

And maybe thats why she calls me Vivi.


November 2004 - Chewy and Vivi, at Ozeki

Oh please do not kiss me
Oh please do not kiss
Oh please do not
Oh please do
Oh please
Oh.....

Robin Hood County

Nottingham University


First time in a cable car!! Happiness maximus! A bit scary though...


Cable cars...


View from the Heights of Abraham


The summer house that looked more like a pit stop


Inside one of 'em caverns


Chatsworth House


The grounds of Chatsworth House


At Speedwell Cavern...




Claustophobic...





Wallaton Park... where the deer and the antelope play...


Nottingham City



All (good) things must come to an end... with Yuen Li at Broad Marsh Station

Ahhh... its good to be home

Spent the whole entire journey back to Plymouth talking to the guy who was sat beside me. Which was very, very, very interesting. He used to be in the army back in the 80's and revelled me with really amusing and insightful army stories. He also studied theology and Koine Greek, which is the language of the New Testament. Then we also talked about our favourite authors - HG Wells, Jack London (he loves Man In the Wilderness, but I've never read that one before) Rudyard Kipling, and CS Lewis. We talked about language, we talked about semantics, we talked about how sometimes, language can be a source of misunderstanding, how things can be lost in translation, and much much more. Towards the end of the journey, he asked me for my address and promised to write to 'encourage' me in my studies and send me some of the books he was talking about, and also a manuscript of one of the books he's working on.

Eqin and Sophie booked a cab for me for 2.20am, which meant that I didn't have to wait for cab alone in the wee wee hours in the morning. Damn sweet of them to help out.

What I didn't know was that the cabbie was a little late in coming, so I thought another cabbie was the cab driver they booked and jumped into the cab and sped off to my destination.

Lucky nothing happened.

Poor Eqin was woken up by a call from the cab driver searching for me. Sigh. Feel so guilty.

Will make it up to them one of these days. Maybe buy flowers or something to eat. Which one better I wonder. The practical Chinese side of me says : something to eat, and flowers cannot eat one, the other, more romantic side says : flowers are heartwarming.

Got back at 2.45 am, immediately logged on to check emails and chat with friends.
So deprived am I.

And who was I to bump into online if not for Petra!

Gosh its been so so so long since I've last chatted with her. It's always either one of us is too busy to chat, or we're online at the most unstrategic of times, her being far far away is Christchurch, NZ being of no help at all.

Was good catching up.

Petra is one of those girls I'm absolutely comfortable being myself with, telling her everything - the truth, distilled - knowing that she'll always take me as I am, see things as is, and never judge. It was good talking about whats been happening, analysing our lives, loves, relationships, etc.

A lot has changed in us since we first met - for one thing I think now we're more comfortable being ourselves, we love ourselves more, we're no longer the insecure, 'I'd-bend-over-backwards-for-you-it-means-you'll-like-me' girls we probably once were. We're come to a point where we've accepted that there's no pleasing everyone, and that the most important people to please is ultimately ourselves. We might have lost popularity in search of sincerity, but you know what? Sincerity is worth a helluva lot more than a being liked by lots of people because you're such a pushover.

Don't like me? Fine!

Think I'm a bitch because I hold my own ground? Well thats fine by me as well. At least I don't get trodden on and manipulated by the likes of you.

Although I do admit that sometimes I tend to forget that. Because I want to be liked. And who doesn't? It takes a very strong character to eschew society's approval, or even that of your peers. Maybe I'm not all that strong. Because as much as I want to be myself, I'm very mindful of what people think of me, of who society wants me to be. Its difficult to escape the socialization I've been put through, to disregard the expectations heaped upon me:

'Oh you're the eldest child, you've got to set a good example for your siblings'

'Hey, you're a JPA scholar, you need to adhere to that code of conduct becoming of one'

or that 'Your parents are respectable people, you need to behave yourself and show how well brought up you are'

Or maybe its not exactly society's expectation of me, its just a standard I measure myself against, thinking its society's expectation of me, not realising its actually my own expectation of what society expects of me (are you as confused as I am now?).

I admire people like Izzy, who's got the guts and determination to be who she wants to be, society's views and judgements be damned.

How many times have we held back on things we've always wanted to do, missed out on priceless experiences, because we're afraid of what people may say?

In the end, who do we live for?

Off to Nottingham

Don't miss me too much if I don't post.

Rest assured that when I am back, I'll have lots of stories to tell.

^_^

That is, if I have the time/energy to.

Classes resume Monday, and I'm making full use of the measly 3 week break.

I do wonder though, what it will be like when I get back to Plymouth. To see them again. Friends that once were.

But if they want to carry on with that, well thats fine by me. I'll miss the friendship, I'll miss the dinner sessions and crap talking/bullshitting over tea sessions, but you know what? I'll live.

You know what hurt me the most?

Them knowing that I was in London at the time of the bombing, yet never bothering to call to check up on me. Well what was I expecting, anyway? We weren't talking to each other already anyway. But one would think that despite all that, they'd still call, for old times sake, because we were friends once upon a time. Good friends.

I don't know what I'd do come the time when I see them again. Should I smile, say hi, pretend nothing ever happen? What if they cut me off? Pretend they didn't hear? Drop my face only la.

I don't know what I'd do if we're forced into small talk. Because even if we do talk about it, even if we try to salvage the remnants of the friendship we had, which I highly doubt would be the case, its pointless. I'd forever resent them their lack of concern.

Its sad when you lose friends over petty arguments. Its sadder when you know that even if you did try to make amends, things will never be the same again.

Or will they?

Psst

Do you miss Sunshine bread slathered with Planta, sprinkled with sugar?

I do.

this is why i *sometimes* don't like shopping

me, trying on shoes, and then turn to see my own shoes missing...

heart goes pikpakpikpak. throat dry. swallowing to fight down panic.

*think oh shit where has my new pair of pink shoes gone!?*

so go looking around, only to find them in the hands of another woman, she was looking for the price tag.

me : um, excuse me, those are my shoes.

woman : i saw them first

me : you don't get it.

*woman looks angrily at me*

me : uhhh... i mean, those are already MINE. i bought them awhile ago and wore them into the store. and um, thats why they don't have a price tag on them...

woman : ah, ohh! *blushes beet red*

*rolls eyes*

Taiping Bulldozer

Ah, I was just going through some of my old mail when I found this one, about me, written by one of my favourite writers on Phases, Jessica Lim.

Enjoy!

* * *

Taiping Bulldozer
by Jessica Lim

Daylight was fading. I sat outside the Ampang Park Putra station, engrossed in a solo game of Scrabbles using a miniature Scrabbles set. Before long, I heard the unmistakable sound of Arthur's car beep. I squinted at his headlights. He was waving half shyly. There was a figure seated beside him. I briefly wondered who it was.

I quickly discovered it was Vysia. I looked at her dancing eyes and felt pure energy radiating from her. It made me feel strangely tired.

"So. Where you staying while you're in KL?" I asked her politely.
"With you lah." she said.
"Oh." I said.
"Oops." Arthur said.

So that was how Vysia ended up staying at the Midah Zoo.

We headed for Actor's Studio, with a nervous Arthur glancing at the clock on the dashboard every 5 seconds. He was supposed to be there earlier to book tickets. On the way, Arthur pointed out the fountain near Dataran Merdeka.

"The Truncated Phallus," he announced, perhaps with a hint of pride.
"The WHAT?" Vysia burst into racuous laughter as she eyed the massive sculpture of periuk keras.
"That's what Pang calls it." he said.
"Looks more like a combination of truncated phalluses." I remarked thoughtfully.

Upon arriving, we saw the arresting figure of Zedeck from the other end of the hall. With him was Ryan. Ryan gave us a toothy grin. Vysia and I escaped to the open air field above, containing the highest flagpole in South East Asia (or something).

"How romantic" she remarked, for the 3rd time. The green field was bathed in a luminous glow. The breeze from the passing cars could easily be mistaken for a sea breeze if one had a little imagination and a nasal defect. She proceeded to describe the loveliness of Taiping.

"Under every tree got Malay couple," she said. "Very romantic."
"You're a romantic person, aren't you?"
"I was being SARCASTIC, couldn't you tell?"

During the play later, the studio was silent. The lights came on to reveal Pang seated comfortably on an easy chair, reading a worn issue of newspaper. We waited in bated breath for the first words to be said.

"That's Pang ah?" came a loud whisper from behind me. It was Vysia.

After the play, which I must say was really something, we headed to Bangsar for mamak. It was Lotus, the ever famous Bangsar mamak.

"I've been here before." remarked Vysia brightly. It was to be a phrase I would be hearing many times over the coming days.
"Here? Bangsar? Why?" asked the homebody, Arthur. "The last time I was here was during SPM."
"I came here when staying with my friends."

We were seated in the noisy interior of the mamak when Vysia confidentially took me aside and asked if I would like to see a picture of her in form one. I shrugged non-commitally. Why not? I took one look at the photograph and gaped.

"That's not you." I said.
"It IS, it IS! Don't look like me huh." she said.

The photo was a normal 3R sized one. The girl in the picture was semi squatting, holding a basketball. Her head was inclined slightly to one side, allowing a mass of straight hair to fall perfectly in place. The eyes were large and expressive, the lips curved into a sweet smile. The light fell strategically in place to enhance the smoothness of the girl's complexion. It made her look ethereal. Like an angel.

"Whoa." I said again. "This is not you."

By this time, the photo was being quickly circulated around the table. Loud exclamations of disbelief filled the air.

"Your sister ah?" said Ken Yen, his eyes narrowed in cynicism.
"It's the lightings." said Pang.
"Graphically enhanced one ah? Use photoshop is it?" said another voice.

Vysia said "See. I'm beauty turned into a beast."

Ken Yen immediately siezed the picture and held it far away from Vysia. "I'm gonna put this in modelzoom.com."
"NOOOOOOOO" came the answer from a hysterical Vysia as she made several weak attempts to retrieve her picture.

It was midnight when we reached home. Vysia fell in love with Ah Miaw and my LambChop. Lambchop is one of the newest additions to the Midah Zoo, an adorable 4 week old Bull Mastiff.

At about 12.45 a.m, I left the room to attend to a phone call. Vysia was already engrossed in a novel she found on my bookshelf, Demon Seed by Dean Koontz. When I got back into the room over an hour later, she was still reading. We stayed up talking until 4 in the morning. I was particularly amused by her tale of how she and her friends walked around Taiping smelling like a cross between a chemical experiment gone awry and rotten fruit salad with putrid mayonaise. Ask her about it.

The next day we headed to my old school, MBS for sports day. At first I was slightly apprehensive about how I'd entertain this energetic bundle of sunshine, but I my fears were unfounded. Almost immediately, she was surrounded by a crowd of admiring guys. I felt myself being pushed to the back of the pulsating crowd. She stood on a little bench-like structure which allowed her to look at the boys eye level. Arthur and I found outselves at the outskirts of the crowd, straining our eyes to catch a glimpse of Vysia.

"There she is." I told him, pointing. He nodded gravely.

After separating Vysia from her newfound horde of admirers, we headed to KLCC. Arthur and I visibly stiffened as we watched the Taiping girl bulldoze across the busy Masjid Jamek street, as if challenging the speeding cars to mow her down. She stood nonchalantly and maybe even impatiently while Arthur and myself waited for a break in the traffic to venture across the road.

"Wah, in Taiping no cars one ah?" said Arthur incredulously.
"If you wait forever then no need to cross la." she said flippantly, like it was the most simple fact in the world.

As usual, we were fickle over where to have lunch. We wanted A&W floats, but we didn't want to eat there. Across the corridor, the Fish Shop beckoned us invitingly.

"Okay. Why not we buy the drinks here then take it into Fish Shop to eat." I said.
"Can meh? They shoo you out la." said Arthur, forever the stickler for rules
"Can one la."

And so we did. We bought some chocolates for charity from a lady, planning to bring it to Diffusion later in the day. We chose peppermint.

The night before Vysia and I planned to bake cakes and cookies. This may seem like a normal venture for girls, but for me it was a undertaking of a lifetime. I cannot cook for nuts, and every culinary effort of mine ends in disaster. In fact, when I was telling a few of my school mates that I planned to bake that afternoon, they said "Em... well. Nevermind la. The bomba very near your house isn't it?"

We had to go shopping for ingredients. Arthur had gone home by then. He said he was too tired, but we think he chickened out. We picked up a free sample of some tinned curry, which she declared as "quite nice." She offered me a small morsel. I don't think I have ever shopped for groceries. Vysia expertly navigated the aisles, picking out various ingredients and throwing them into the basket.

"Flour. We need flour."
"Here" I said, holding up a packet.
"No, we need FLOUR, not cornflour."
"Oh. Okay. Here" I said, taking up another packet.
"No, we need SELF RAISING flour."
"Got such thing one ah?" I asked.

After the shopping ordeal, we bundled ourselves into the LRT. Feeling tired, we sat on the floor of the Putra. This, of course, evoked stares from fellow commuters, but we didn't care. Too tired lah.

The baking process began harmlessly enough. I got the dusty weighing scale from the top of my fridge.

"Okay. 11 ounces of butter." said Vysia.
"Um. The scale only got grammes. How many grammes?" I said.
"Uh. How I know ah?"
"Times 2.5 is it?"
"No kua. I don't think so."

By the time 5 minutes passed, I had a fine layer of flour over the table and the floor. I was sifting the flour, see?

"Off the fan la, aiyyoh." she told me.
"Yeah hoh." I said.

And for the interest of the people at diffusion, an egg shell was dropped into the cake accidentally and could not be retrieved. I wonder which one of you hungry writers ate it.

I'll skip talking about diffusion. Let Vysia tell you about that.

I was tired when I reached home. Vysia conked out early as well. I was on the phone in my room, where she was sleeping, so I was still awake. I heard her muttering in her sleep, and actually thought she was awake.

"What is it?" I asked her. There was no response. That was when I discovered that Vysia talks in her sleep. She also let out some loud sighs. It's quite shocking to hear them in the dead stillness of the night, really. When I told her about it in the morning, she grinned and told me that her friends told her the same thing. She once tried leaving a tape recorder on while she slept, but the tape ran out before her mutterings started.

So that was day 1 and 2 of Vysia's Stay. I've been typing here non stop for an hour. Vysia sits here by my side, sometimes bursting into loud protests, sometimes rolling about laughing at the recollections. She'll have to defend herself in another email, though.

I can't possibly write about day 3 and 4 here, I'm tired.
Tomorrow she wants to watch a midnight movie.


Yawns from
Jessica
2 April 2001

Bohemian Mr. Snip Cut

Finally relented and got a haircut today... nothing fancy, just trimmed off 5 inches, but no one noticed any difference, haha.

Still won't let just about anyone touch my hair, heh. Wish I could go back to my usual hairdresser in KL... or better yet, the one I've always been going to since I was a teenager, Mr. Snip Cut. He reminds me of Edward Sissorhands...

Anyway, I wrote something about him about 4 years back (omigod, how time flies). I'm hoping that he's happy, wherever he is now. I hope he knows that I miss him, that he knows how much I appreciate him being very much like a father to me when I was growing up.

*holds up a drink*

Here's to Bohemian Mr. Snip Cut.

* * *
November 3, 2001

Today, I went out with my friend Shy Lee, on a girl's day out. I dragged her along with me to the hairdresser's. He's a very nice, if not slightly feminine, guy. And he calls me 'girl'.

I stepped into the salon.

"Girl...aiyah, so long never see you..." he waves his hand about as he talks "...oh, my gosh...look at your hair! SOOOO out of shape! Good thing you come today! Come sit down" he pats the chair as he leads me to it. I sit, staring at myself in the mirror. 'Is my hair THAT bad?' I ask myself.

My thoughts were interrupted by his fluffing my hair about. "Tsk, tsk tsk" he goes, as he parts it. "Tsk tsk tsk" he goes again, as he examines the ends. Like a mouse, really. It was hilarious watching him.

"Girl!! Your hair arr...so dry! Didn't I give you some hair capsules during your last visit? When was that, May? Hrm, see? So long didn't come and treat your hair already! Just look! You look like a lion!" he exclaims.

Yes, I haven't been having my hair professionally cut for almost six months now. Shy Lee or Bee Khuan occasionally trim my hair, because I'm always too busy to spend at least 3 hours at the salon. Today I've finally managed to squeeze out some afternoon time for myself, and Shy Lee of course, I dragged along to keep me company.

"Here.." he shoves some snacks under my nose "..eat something. Um, you know, girl, I've been reading the book that you gave me, I like it very much lah." He was complaining of being bored, and I gave him a book, something to do with candles and aromateraphy that I got from MPH. I knew he'd like it.

"And.." he peers into the mirror, looking at my face "I've been taking up the Chinese Face Fortune reading...learnt it from my grandma, and I also bought a book on that" I raised an eyebrow. "Here, I show you." he says as he takes out the book from the counter. It was a book by Peter Shen, 'Face Fortunes'.

"Come, girl, I read your face" he offers. I smile and nod, "Sure!"

"Ah...you have a peach blossom forehead...means that you have good social graces, and..." he winks "you're very flirtacious", he says, almost triumphantly. I look helplessly at Shy Lee. She just shrugged.

He continues. "Short brows. Youthful. High cheekbones, hrm, you're very adventurous, right? Mg chai si. I can see that in your eyes - they're so alive. Your eyes got charisma, see? they radiate energy!" At that time I was almost twirling with wonder. My eyes? Radiating energy? Ooh...hrm, very good fortunes, huh? I wriggled my eyebrows at Shy Lee's reflection in the mirror. She rolled her eyes.

"You got fish mouth" he says. I almost stood up! "FISH MOUTH!?" I exclaim. "What do I look like to you, a fish?!" I was really pissed off at that remark. Shy Lee was laughing hysterically behind. I was so...piqued! "Girl, cool down lah...see? Fish mouth people never think before they say anything. And lose temper very fast, like you're doing. Now sit properly!" he commanded. "Sorry" I mumble. He grins at me and pinches my cheeks. "Aiyyah, I not angry with you lah, you're my favourite, what!" Why he says that, I never will know.

"Your personality got a lot of water.." he says. Water? I have no idea what he's talking about. But best not aggravate him, he was already snipping enthusiastically at my hair. "Girl, your hair, very dry!" he says for the hundredth time. "How come not as much as last time already? What shampoo you use?" I told him that I had ran out of the shampoo I bought from him, and was using the shampoo that my dad brought back from hotels. Without conditioner.

Let's just say that he almost fainted. Shy Lee was already looking as if she was ready to dart out of the door, poor girl. My hairdresser's a bit of a dramatist, you see. He sports waist long, healthy hair that I wish I had.

Scolded me like mad for that. "Whatever you do, never, ever, use hotel shampoo, too harsh!" he warns. "But I ran out of shampoo! And anyway, it was only for 2 weeks" I explain. "2 WEEKS? Oh my God!" I think he considers himself the patron God of tresses, the knight in shining armour to protect hair from being abused by harsh elements - like hotel shampoo.

I told him I wanted to straighten my hair.

"WHAT?! No no no. Cannot. Your hair has such a nice wave...you know that some women would kill for such a wave? If you insist, I'm going to charge you RM300 for hair straightening!"

"You can't do that!" I protest. "Oh yes, I can. I like your wave. Okaylah, fine. I won't straighten your hair, but I'll cut it in such a way that it's not so 'khiau' [wavy]" he compromised. I smiled my sweetest smile.

"You know, you've got very nice lips." he compliments. I smile wider. "Only your teeth a bit yellow, that's why lah, drink coffee some more.." a scrowl quickly replaced the smile...and he had just offered me coffee a few minutes before. Ishh...

*rolls eyes*

"Anyway, your lips right, like I said, fish mouth..." I glare at him, and he ignores me and goes on "you tend to get whatever you want with little effort, that's why you find life so empty, because you never have to work hard for anything you want" I protest, but he looks at me with a look what shut me up, and at the back, I hear Shy Lee say an 'Amen'. Such friend I have. *sulks*

Actually, come to think about it, it's kind of true.

I found out that I came out first in class today. Shy Lee told me, passing my report card for me to see. I stared at it with disbelief. How could it be, when I didn't touch my books at all, ponteng-ed school and slept in class? How could it be, when I just broke up with my boyfriend 2 weeks before the finals, and was moping around zombie-like, and wrote so many posts for the list during exam week? I was expecting to fail, not get first position in class!

Perhaps it's true. I like my lips, then. Heh, born lucky, aren't you just SO jealous? *gloats*

Since when did Chinese face fortune become so accurate? Or perhaps it's because he already knows me very well. I've been going to him since I was 15, and well, I talk a lot to him. He's a really nice guy, and a very good confidant. Hairdressers are like that, I guess. He's also my so-called psychoanalyst. He's took up a bit of psychology when he was younger, but switched over to hairdressing when he found out that it was his passion. He turned bohemian after he dropped out of a university in US. But he's really cool.

By that time he was already done trimming and shaping my bushy hair. He started to blow dry it.

"Girl..." he shouts over the noise of the blow dryer. "See? So much better, right?" He grabs a brushful of hair and starts to run the nozzle along the length of them. Hot. He goes on doing that until my hair was completely dry and nicely shaped.

Oh yeah, and you ought to see him blow dry my hair. As I said, he uses gestures freely, almost too much sometimes, and behind, Shy Lee was almost turning blue trying to hold in her laughter. He looked as if he was trying to flap his non-existant wings!

After my hair was smooth and shiny and shaped, he gave me a jar of hair capsules to use every night, and some cream to style my hair or something. Smells...weird...he says it's some herb concoction that he made up. He howled with laughter when he saw the _expression on my face when I smelled and looked at it. It looks...disgusting, and it smells like... clove, olive oil, rose, and something I cannot put my finger on, combined.

So I paid for the haircut and he closed shop, as it was already 6 pm. The 3 of us went out to Panorama, a hotel coffee house where we had our dinner. He gave us a treat, cos he said that it's been a long time since he's gone out with two beautiful young girls. Heh.

I mean, some might think that he's seedy and all, but really, he's one nice guy. A real comic, if you ask me. Perhaps he a little eccentric, but it's this eccentricity that really makes him special. He scares all the older women, they think he's gay, but he isn't. He has a daughter my age living in America [he married an American, but they divorced when his daughter was 3] I met her when she was visiting him last year. And he told us today that he was going to migrate to Australia in the summer.

Often, we don't really mix around with people who are different from us. And you know what? We lose out when we don't. It's these people who are the ones that really broaden our horizons and perspectives, and makes us see things in the way we never thought possible before. He was the one who encouraged me to write. Once, I left my schoolbag in his salon, and he went through my essay books, and told me that I had talent. He said that I wrote amusing stories, with a lot of whimsical illusions in them. And I believed him, and started writing. He taught me to dance, and to dance freely, with abandon. He taught me so much.

I pity the people who think he's weird and never really took the time to get to know him. If they did, they'd find that underneath that weird, eccentric exterior, there was a sensitive man inside, an artist who paints abstract art in beautiful colours. They'd find in him a loving and kind father figure who sometimes dashes out fine words of wisdom and deep thoughts. They'd find in him a person who'd patiently explain the most abstract verse of poetry till you see the meaning of it. They'd find a whole new world opened up to them, a world they'd never imagine existed, a wealth of eclectic knowledge.

And as for Mr. Snip-cut. [He insists I call him that].

Here's to you, Jesus loves you more than you will know. =)

~-~
[PS: That's a line from the song 'Mrs Robinson' by Simon and Garfunkel. I changed Mrs. Robinson to Mr. Snip-Cut]

[edit:: he's long since embraced his real self and admitted that he is gay... which makes him happier since] ^_^

Ahoy mate!

Nice weather today innit?

Perfect sailing weather, and thats what I've been doing today. Went to the yacht club thingy with my relatives.

Wish I brought my wetsuit along, could've gone diving. Nevermind, had great fun anyway.

Sunburns hurt. Owww...

Malas to write a whole commentary, but heres the pictures:


the entrance...


at the jetty, going to go on the boat...


sampans, or rather, dingys (i think its called)




my uncle Graham...


Captain Patch...


My aunt, uncle and his sister...


sunbathing...
















my cousin Adam and his girlfriend Hannah

I'm saving Paris for my love

Been looking at pictures that my friends took while they were in Paris with their boyfriends recently. Like those of Yen and Mark and Julie and her boyfriend.

Oh, God, Paris looks beautiful!

I so so so so want to go.

But I don't want to go with just anyone, I want to go with a special someone.

Because I don't want to be in the most romantic city in the world alone. I want to walk the streets of Paris hand in hand with the person I love, I want to sip coffee at a sidewalk cafe with him, listen to Edith Piaf's renditions of 'La Vie En Rose' and 'Non, Je Ne Regrette Rein'.

I want rose petals scattered on the bed, and chilled champagne, O Sole Mio playing in the background.

I want tender sweet nothings whispered in my ears as we look outside the window at the Eiffel Tower shining brightly in the city of lights.

I want melting moments when we look into each other's eyes and see forever stretched before us.

Maybe I'm just a romantic fool. Maybe I'll never see Paris...

But a girl can dream, can't she?

What A Girl Wants

I don't want a boyfriend
by Emily Tan

I don't want someone who I dress up for.
I want someone with whom I'm comfortable enough to wear old clothes and no make up.

I don't want someone who treasures every moment with me - like it's his last.
I want someone who takes for granted that I will always be with him.

I don't want someone who I must always be at my best with.
I want someone who can take me at my worst and still love me.

I don't want someone with whom every outing is a date.
I want someone who I can just be with.

I don't want someone who keeps me hanging around the phone, hoping he'll call.
I want someone who I know will call.

I don't want someone who makes passes at me, and pressures me to give more.
I want someone I can curl up and fall asleep with knowing that he'll never take what I will not give, or let me hurt myself by giving too much.

I don't want someone who will celebrate our monthly anniversary.
I want someone who knows we'll be together to celebrate each year as it comes.

I don't want someone to pay for everything when we go out together.
I want someone who can take, knowing he'll always have chances to give.

I don't want someone who will go home after a fight, heartbroken because he knows it's over.
I want someone who will wait until the tempers have cooled, then come back saying, "Of course we'll make up!"

I don't want someone who treats me like a fragile flower.
I want someone who can relax around me.

I don't want someone who pays me compliments.
I want someone who tells me the truth because he respects me and knows I can take it.

I don't want someone who composes a poem for my eyes, a song for my nose and a sonnet for my mouth.
I want someone who writes about me.

I don't want someone who says he loves me every hour of the day.
I want someone who I know loves me without having to be told about it.

I don't want someone to hold my hand because he wants to show the world I'm his.
I want someone who holds my hand because he wants to feel my touch.

I don't want a boyfriend.
I want a partner.

My brother just got his motorbike license. Overjoyed about it too...

Snippets of our conversation:

Bro : Got my licence!

Vish : wah!! coolness! next time can bring me sit motor! dun play break enough!!

Bro : Hehe *evil grin*

Vish : and believe me, all girls know the trick
and if you don't, where the hell have you been?!

Bro : *slaps forehead*

Why I don't have a boyfriend

If there's one good side effect of the London blasts it's probably renewed ties amongst friends.

Been receiving emails and chatting with people whom I've never spoken to in years/months. And my oh my, so many things have been happening in my friends' lives since.

3 secondary school classmates are getting engaged towards the end of this year and getting married beginning of next year.

And Yen is also *probably* going to get engaged next year and move to Canada to be with her dahlink.

One primary school friend won first runner up in the Miss Malaysia competition, congratulations, Lai Yi! I always thought she was one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen since we were in Standard 5. She looks a whole lot better than in the picture though...

A couple whom we thought would be together forever, since they've been together since forever anyway, have split.

Almost all of my friends have graduated and are currently working/looking for jobs or are in the midst of doing their Masters/PhDs.

*sigh*

And what about me, they ask.

What about, huh?

I'm still in the second year of my undergraduate studies...

I have a non-existant love life. I do, however, have a good circle of friends and am currently enjoying life in the UK.

But thats not enough, is it?

"So... any British guys ah? Wah, come back with angmoh, your children sure very cute one!"

*sigh* If I had a penny...

Why must conversations always have to center around my love life? Are you not interested in my current hobbies/travels/plans for the future?

Yes of course I feel lonely sometimes, of course theres nothing wrong with me/the way I look/how I am. And maybe I *am* being choosy.

Is it all that wrong, to hold out until someone right comes along instead of going for the first person that catches my fancy?

Yes I know there are people who do like me, who would wait for me, even, should I just say the word. But I'm not interested in them. Why? Because I cannot imagine a future with them. Do I have to settle for something thats not good enough, just because its something, and something is better than nothing? And I don't want to string someone along just for the sake of 'having someone', it wouldn't be fair to the both of us.

Whats the worst that can happen?, they ask.

To be with someone else when the right one comes along.

And so I'm holding out until the right one comes along. Someone whom I know I'll love, and who'll love me just as wholly. Someone I can grow old with. Someone who is at the same 'wavelength' as I am. With whom I'd enjoy decent conversations with when we've grown so old that cannot see clearly anymore.

And if I don't meet that kind of person, I'm prepared to live my life alone. I've got a solid circle of friends, I've got things to do in life, I'm pretty much financially independant, and I'd like to think I've got a good head on my shoulders. I know how to change the tyres on my car, and yes, I've unclogged a sink before and repaired a broken flush (thank God for Mrs Ong's Kemahiran Hidup (literally = living skills) classes!).

Besides, I'd rather be alone than live with someone I find it difficult to live with. I know what its like to live with a hostile roommate. Believe me its not an experience I'd like a re-run version of.

"Wait you reach 25 then you'll know, that time I'd love to see you eat humble pie"

What, you think I'm being unrealistic here?

On the contrary. I think I'm being too realistic.

Why? Because I know myself too well. I don't fall easily for someone, but if and when I do, I fall hard. Then come hell or high water, I'll stick with him (within certain limits-lah). And no matter how much pain I'd have to endure, I'd 'yan-ju' (cantonese for 'bear it') until I cannot yan anymore.

By then I'd have whittled all thats 'me' away to make it work that whats left isn't worth saving any more.

I'd rather die than settle.

Desperate measures

Vish : Mom, can send me a bolster or not?

Mom : Of all things to pesan from Malaysia you ask for a bolster?

Vish : Here cannot find la. My friend told me people usually bring theirs over from Malaysia.

Mom : Siao ah? No need la.

Vish : Mom, I *need* a bolster to sleep properly. Now I wake up tired and restless because I toss and turn without a bolster.

Mom : You're too old for it already. No need la.

Vish (getting desperate) : Listen, mom, would you rather I engage in premarital sex instead? I wouldn't need a bolster then if I can have someone to hug while I'm sleeping. (btw thanks YL, for the suggestion)

Mom : Next week.

Would you like some tea to go with your sugar?

Scene:
Sidewalk cafe, approximately teatime.

Actors:
2 girls - Grace and Vish
1 anonymous man with chubby red cheeks

Zoom into scene where 2 girls in summer dresses are chatting happily at said sidewalk cafe having English cream tea, speaking non-colonial English, peppered with 'la', 'lorr' and 'mah' suffixes, sometimes lowering their voices and then bursting out into peals of laughter.

One suddenly stops. Whispers to the other and points to direction of said anonymous man with chubby red cheeks. Eyes widen.

Now closeup scene of chubby red cheeked man sucking on sugar cubes and putting as many as 6 cubes into his tea, and then layering loads and loads of fluffy clotted cream and sweet strawberry jam onto tiny sultana scones.

Altogether now: "owh-mai-gawd!"

on another note

my mom called, almost in tears...

asking if i'm okay, if i'm out of london...

seems that she just heard about it from her friend who called to know if i was allright.

i felt so bad for her cos my phone line was jammed up by so many calls and she couldn't get through.

thanks to all those who called, for all the smses and emails. thanks for those messages on msn and yahoo messanger as well.

am so touched by all your care and concern.

its nice to know that people care.

*tears*

Strange bedfellows

I seriously cannot share beds with anyone.

Case in point:

With Yen. The last time we met up we had to share a twin bed.

Which should be ok if she took one side and I took another, right?

But noo... in the middle of the night, i found myself being pushed away.

"oi, go back to your side can or not? you're pushing me off the bed!" was the irritated retort from her.

so i dutifully rolled to the other side la.

then awhile later, noticed something wriggling. it was Yen again. I had my arm thrown over her sleeping body.

"stop huddling against me!"
/me kena pushed away

So I sleepily rolled back to my side of the bed. Yen put up a barrier of pillows between us.

Should be allright, if not for me cosying up against the pillows and inching them nearer and nearer her until she almost fell off the bed - again.

She got so irritated she kicked me.

*scrowl*

The next morning she woke up bleary eyed.

"Hey you cannot sleep still one issit?"

"Huh?"

"Last night you almost pushed me off the bed -TWICE, and then you made me into your lamcham (bolster)"

"Whoops... sowwy! Sleeping la, didn't realise"

"Next time sleep far far!"

*sigh*

Night 2

*sharp jab on my ribs*

"What?!" I asked, annoyed to be woken up from my sleep in such a painful manner.

"You laugh in your sleep!"

I mutter something and turn to the other side to sleep.

Later kena shaken up from sleep by her again. She asked me what I said. I said nothing and told her to go back to sleep.

I think in the end she malas to layan and switched on the tv to drown my sleeptalking.

Night 3

Blanket kena pulled.

I woke up to check what was it la. Was confronted by an annoyed, sleep deprived Yen.

"Oi you must popiah yourself in the blanket issit?"

So i unrolled myself and gave her her rightful half of the blanket la.

But then that night it was cold so in my sleep I rolled over to the nearest source of heat la, her. Kena kicked, and bashed by a pillow for that.

Next morning, this is what she said:

"thats it Vish, next time, SEPARATE BEDS! Btw, kesian your husband next time"

-_-

Okay okay I admit I have blog diarrhea right now.

This is what happens when you eat one too many strawberries dipped in chocolate/clotted cream and liquid marshmallows.

Sugar high. Damn hyper.

Plus that 8 cups of (terrible angmoh style) jasmine tea I had to wash down the fats. Yucks.

Oh, and that lovely lovely hazelnut and vanilla coffee, damn how did I live without those for the past 22 years?

I'm so tired but my body won't rest.

Feel like going out for a jog at this insane hour of the morning.

Been online the whole day... between cooking a fried rice dinner for cousins and *attempting* to wash clothes.

Watched too many movies today as well. White Chicks (again), Interview with the Vampire, Cinderella Story and What A Girl Wants (my cousin Jade's DVD collection).

I am officially having a crush on Colin Firth.
*heart goes pip pak pip pak*

Eeps, I can almost see Melinda rolling her eyes at me now. Eh, I can't help it if I find older men attractive okay?

Ryan Phillippe and whatshisname in Cinderella Story is really cute, I admit. But he doesn't make my heart go dub-dub-dub-dub like Colin Firth does. Too pretty boy-lah.

Its not on purpose. Just that the people I tend to like happen to be a good 5-10 years older. Maybe when I'm older the gap will narrow down la. Like now I like guys between 25-30, next time when I'm 25 maybe I'll still like guys between 25-30 leh? Uhh... then maybe when I'm 45 I may still have a thing for guys between 20-35 *traumatised at the thought of it*

Oh yeah. I want to comment on something. If you've ever watched 'Something's Gotta Give', remember that part where Keanu Reeves 'lets Diane Keaton go' because he thinks she'll be happier with Jack Nicholson?

Well I think its bullsh*t.

Eh, guys. You want to 'sacrifice' for love issit? Thats not the way la friend. You love her you stay with her, not tell her to go because you think she'll be happier. You stay and fight for her, like a man. Because if you don't and if you tell her to go, believe me no matter how much she loves you more, she WILL go, because she's convinced that you don't want her. Its a pride thing.

Please give us women more credit than that la. We know what we want, let us make the decision can or not? If she loves you kan, even the bestest man who's like a billion trillion times better than you won't move her, and she'll stay with you. Because you make her happy, because you make her laugh, because thinking of you brings a dopey lovesick smile to her face. Honest.

By trying to be 'unselfish', you're actually being very selfish, you know that? Just because you cannot take competition from someone else, you withdraw and take your leave. You know what, deep down I think its not for your darling's best interest. Its to protect your fragile egos. Because you don't want to lose face. Because you don't want to know someone else is better than you. Because it will hurt if the love of your life leaves you and goes for someone else. And so you give up without a fight, fooling yourself into thinking you're doing a selfless act.

Are you thinking about your lady love's emotions at all? I think not. Are you thinking of how it may be that she actually loves you very much, and now you've gone away to become the one that never was? She may just pine for you forever.

But of course if she meet you again she won't show it la. She has more pride than that. She'll probably go all out to show you what you're missing. Your loss mah. Make you regret a bit.

But deep down inside she'd still feel a stab of pain.

Sigh. Pride.

The greatest of all human weaknesses.

Ai yai yai

Was talking to Yuen Li about pets and petting just now, and dunno-lah... suddenly feel very 'yai'.

Veli veli long neva manja adi lorr..

Wat happen if wan dei i wake up and dunno how to manja nemore? mah sei la.

u noe wat makes me wanna purrr...?

ppl playin wif my hair.

dats why i super like it when Leli brushes my hair and braids dem.

Meow?

Taken from James' blog

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Pai seh

I wanted to wash my clothes today.

Didn't know how to work the washing machine, you see. So got my cousin to call my aunt to ask how to operate it.

Washed clothes, hung them up to dry. That should be it, right?

Went on with my life la.

Then just now... my aunt came into the kitchen to wash more laundry.

And she laughingly asked, "Did Adam do the laundry just now?"

And I said yes.

"He put the dishwashing tablet in!"

I was like, "Urk, that was me..."

And they all laughed at me!

So now I look like I'm super jakoon.

-_-

*shy*

Utterly sinful

... is what you'd call strawberries dipped in chocolate

... is what describes strawberries smothered with cornish clotted cream

... is what you declare after you lick your fingers and smack your lips

Those were the days my friend

Thanks to Daniel, I found myself reliving my childhood by watching 'Gremlins'.

Classic! Although some parts, watching through adult-ish eyes, are pretty cheesy. But still a classic. Aww, they don't make these kind of movies like they used to, do they?

I love the part there the gremlins party at the bar, and also when they watched Snow White in at the cinema, with that shiny bling bling and funky disco moves. Hilarious! And the part where Billy's mother puts his father's inventions to good use by 'juicing' and 'microvaving' the gremlins.

Or maybe I'm just easily entertained. Which is a good thing, because I'm never bored, and therefore, (hopefully) never boring.

Other news, there's nothing much to do here in Essex. I've already been to Southend the last time I was here, and visited the longest pier in the world (I think), and thats about it.

Was thinking of flying over to Aberdeen to visit a scottish friend of mine, but he's busy doing summer coaching and so cannot meet up. And my cousin is back in Malaysia. So shall wait patiently until Yuen Li announces whether he will be free for me to visit him in Nottingham next week.

I'm going to Robin Hood county!!

Does anyone remember that Disney Robin Hood cartoon? The one where all the characters were animals? I used to love it, especially the singing chicken.

And does anyone remember Jem and the Holograms, the cartoon? My Little Pony? Maya the Bee? Care Bears? Thunder Cats and Smurfs? And does anyone remember the times where there was always a moral at the end of the show?

I just watched Rugrats on tv with my cousin just now and its so different now, isn't it? Some cartoons these days should be given an R rating, methinks. So violent sometimes.

What happened to those good old days when children were just children, and everything was so innocent?

London 30th June

Woke up really early to meet up with Melissa and her friend Catherine at their hotel in Knightsbridge.

The first thing Melissa said to me after we hugged was, "You've gained quite a bit of weight, huh?"

Heh. Ah well...

We went straight to Harrods, where we met up with a friend of their's, Jenny was her name, from San Diego.

Melissa spotted a gorgeous black evening top with diamantes from Max and Co and a pair of white jeans and tried them on. Ugh, btw, the chaging room at Harrods suck big time... its like some tent thingy where you gotta group change and all that. That totally put me off trying on anything. There's noooo way I'm gonna change in front of a bunch of strange women and let them see all my jiggly wobbly bits (although I'm sure they couldn't be bothered to look anyway).
She declared that she liked them both and went to pay for them. The customer service at Harrods suck as well, we had to like wait so long when there was only one other customer in front of us.

So we decided to go look at shoes instead. I fell in love with this pair of boots from Stuartz Weitzman, it was marked down to about £65 from £245 but they didn't have it in size 37!! Kek sei... I've been looking for boots like those for a looong loooong time. Melissa didn't really like the selection there cos she bought better stuff from Lafayette in Paris, so we quickly paid and left Harrods as it was getting crowded. One thing good that we all agree on: We HATE shopping in crowded places.

So we decided to hit the individual boutiques instead. Mel and Katherine were walking together in front of us, so Jenny and I noticed that they looked like sisters in their identical Prada knapsacks, sandals, and coats. Haha. So cute!!

Our next stop was Burberry. Katherine tried on a pair of black pants she really liked but Melissa reminded her that she's got too many black pants already, and to get something else instead. Thats the best part about shopping with friends, innit? They know what you need and what you don't need, and save you loads of money buying stuff you already have. So Katherine went looking for other things instead. Jenny was indecisive about 2 coats, a blue one and a white one with gorgeous details. I thought the white one won hands down the moment I looked at it, and was proven true when everyone in the store agreed on the white one looking a lot better than the blue one. So she bought the white one. The coat is absolutely gorgeous!!!


Melissa and me


Melissa, Catherine and Jenny

We left Burberry for Harvey Nicols. By then we were all rather hungry and so immediately commenced to the fifth floor restaurant there. The food there is excellent! I had monkfish, Melissa and Katherine had the lamb and Jenny ordered corn fed chicken.









The interiors remind me a bit of Frangipani in KL, and the food? Better than Shangri La's Lafite! It was quite French-y. I think its one of the best food I've ever had here in UK, anyway. Good stuff, that.

We went for a little bit of shopping around Harvey Nicols later, Melissa asked about the price of the Cartier watch she bought in Paris and the guy told her that it was around £950 pounds, without the bracelet and she got it for a bit less in Paris, with that gorgeous bracelet thrown into the deal - shouldn've seen her beaming! Nothing like bagging a good bargain, eh? But other than that, we didn't see anything we liked. We all agreed that we didn't like departmental store-like shopping, cos its so much easier to browse through things in individual boutiques.



So we trotted around the little boutiques around the area. Melissa bought a Hermes tie for her husband, so sweet of her... And we later went to Anya Hindmarch, where she also bought an orange leather bag like the one at Tods and a matching organiser purse.

Anya sounded sooo familliar until I remembered Bespoke Ebury bags. In case you don't know what it is, they offer custom made bags to fit your every specifications, whims and fancies, and you can even engrave personalised inscriptions in the linings. Alex Yoong bought one for Arianna Teoh and it was sooooo romantic!

Jenny was getting tired and wanted to see how her son and husband were doing, and so declined Melissa's invitation for tea and left soon after.

We later walked back to the hotel (we stayed at Sheraton Belgravia, so less than 5 minutes walk away) for yummy English high tea. Had smoked salmon sandwiches, scones and clotted cream, and miniature pastries and cakes. Very the fattening la!!! I love love love love scones and clotted cream though... I can have those for tea everyday. But the tarts and cakes were a bit too rich for my liking, I could feel myself putting on weight! hehe.



We had a great time catching up over tea. Talked about men, about marriage, about having kids and shared news about our mutual friends. I think the people who saw us must have thought we were sisters or something, never suspecting that they're old enough to be my mothers!

But they are soo sooo soo cool that talking to them is like talking to a bunch of girls around my age. But with loads more wisdom to impart. We talked about life, we talked about friends, we talked about the importance of girlfriends, the importance of the decisions we made in life.

One advice that I thought was really cute: "lam yan chui pha ke hai chou cho yer, lui yan chui pha hai ka cho yan" meaning that the worst thing that can happen to a man is to get into the wrong career, while for a woman, is to marry the wrong man.

I guess who you marry does make a difference, doesn't it? If you marry someone totally different from you, who doesn't share the same aims and goals as you, you're never going to see eye to eye, and you're never going to be happy. And if you're not ready to get married or stable enough to support your children, for goodness sakes don't have them!

I know a someone who just got married recently. Her husband had just graduated and was earning around RM1500 plus, most of which went to the rent, car payments and food, leaving very little left to buy additional stuff. They can't afford regular visits to the gynae, or good supplements for the pregnancy, and they've been quarrelling a lot since. Its really sad, come to think about it. There's a Chinese saying that goes - "when poverty walks through the door, love flies out of the window".

And its true, isn't it? You can't live on fresh air and sunshine. Love alone can't keep you, or your children alive. And children these days, they're not easy to take care of now. Its different now. Children are more demanding, and you need to at least give them a foundation for them to ever get the upper hand in life. If not they'll have to struggle all their lives. And do you want that for your children? For them to have the brains and the potential, but having to hold back because not everyone is fortunate enough to get a scholarship, and you cannot afford to pay their tuition fees? For them to look longingly while their friends and cousins get the latest Sega and Playstation for their birthday, while they only get a Lego set? And ask you, mummy, mummy, why can't I have it, when all my other friends can?

How would you answer that kind of question?

Marriage is serious. It makes a difference in your future happiness and that of your children. And I wish people would just wake up and realise that. Me? I'll never get married or have kids until I'm financially independant enough to support myself and my children should anything happen to my marriage/husband.

Cynical? Perhaps. Materialistic? Maybe. But I think mostly this is just plain being practical and realistic. Such is the world we live in today, we'd be fools to to think money isn't important. I don't demand the luxuries in life, but I do want a life relatively free from financial worry, where I wouldn't have to worry that a £5 purse would mean that I'd have to starve the next week or something, where I can buy my son that Star Wars milennium set for his birthday without digging into his education fund.

Growing up is hard. Suddenly you have to think about all these things. And its S-C-A-R-Y! I'm lucky I've got wiser and more experienced people to guide me though life, and I'm very thankful for that.

Anyways, after that we walked back to Harrods to buy souvenirs for family and friends back home and they bought 6 boxes of Krispy Creme doughnuts to bring home to Malaysia! And we saw something really disgusting as well.. there was this kwailo sitting there with a dozen donuts eating them ONE AFTER ANOTHER! We each had one and was already reeling from the sweetness of it, for the guy to eat 12 at one go... omfg!! Scary! We felt like we could get diabetic watching him eat it. Ugh ugh ugh.

We then took a cab to drop off the purchases and headed straight to Chinatown for dinner at Mayflower. Great place for good authentic chinese food! We had wat tan hor, soft shelled crabs, scallops and some other stuff. And to think that I've almost given up on finding good chinese food here in the UK.


Dinner at Mayflower


lovely scallops, cooked to perfection!

Grabbed another cab back to the hotel where they had to start packing. They showed me all the stuff they bought from around Europe and I went ooh-ahh ing at the shoes! Those shoes are GORGEOUS! and oh so comfy! I think maybe when you buy good shoes you actually pay for the quality and comfort. And maybe you do save more in the long-run... cos the heels don't keep on breaking! I hate it when heels break. I almost got crippled once when my Lewre straps broke when I was climbing down some stairs. I only bought it the day before, and they wouldn't give me a refund for those faulty shoes. I actually went to the Tribunal Tuntutan Pengguna and sued them. And WON. Damn satisfying. NEVER BUY LEWRE SHOES.



Ferragamos don't look that nice (actually I think they look a bit old working women kind) but by god, they're of so comfy, they actually don't pinch the toes and the contours actually fit the heels, so can walk and walk and walk in them for hours without complaining of painful feet. And Catherine's Chanel ballet shoes are soooo sweet and pretty!

Haish, nevermind la, I'm still quite happy with my Dolcis, Vinccis and Crocodile shoes. They're not as comfy or as lasting though. I go through a pair every 3 months. Wear and tear is quite bad. Actually come to think of it, buying quality instead of quantity would probably save me a lot more money in the long run. But I get bored easily... and like variety when it comes to shoes.

But maybe I should invest on one good formal pair... the Aldo one I have pinches my feet like hell and that puts me in a bad mood the whole day. -_-

Ooh, and they also bought more identical stuff other than those Prada knapsacks and sandals. They bought the Vuitton ALMA bag, as featured in Sex and the City!!! I was in such reverance when I held it in my hands - oh my god, such exquisite workmanship! Hand made linings, not a stitch out of place, flawless leather and just the right amount of pockets. Its just soooo... Sex and the City.


sooo sex and the city, hor?

We went for supper with Catherine's brother and sister in laws, Charles and Michelle. We went to Mayflower again and had porridge, noodles, and lobster mein. The lobster was delicious! I think somehow or rather the chinese way of cooking lobsters tastes so much better than the english way of cooking it in butter and cheese. Just my opinion, anyways I'm partial to chinese cooking. -_-

We also had bubur chacha tong sui... but I was too full to take more than 2 spoonfuls.

Charles and Michelle bought us on a tour around London at nighttime. Seeing London at night is so so so different compared to seeing it in the daytime. There's something haunting about London by night... a 'what once was' kind of feeling, I don't know how to describe it.

Went back to the hotel, watched 'Somethings Gotta Give' on the tv, and talked a bit more. It was fun, and cute listening about them go on and on about how cute Keanu Reeves was and how she shouldn't have chosen Jack Nicholson over him. They talked and laughed about their age, their husbands, their sex lives... it was so amusing, the way they laugh at themselves and not take life too seriously. Heh.