Spent the whole entire journey back to Plymouth talking to the guy who was sat beside me. Which was very, very, very interesting. He used to be in the army back in the 80's and revelled me with really amusing and insightful army stories. He also studied theology and Koine Greek, which is the language of the New Testament. Then we also talked about our favourite authors - HG Wells, Jack London (he loves Man In the Wilderness, but I've never read that one before) Rudyard Kipling, and CS Lewis. We talked about language, we talked about semantics, we talked about how sometimes, language can be a source of misunderstanding, how things can be lost in translation, and much much more. Towards the end of the journey, he asked me for my address and promised to write to 'encourage' me in my studies and send me some of the books he was talking about, and also a manuscript of one of the books he's working on.
Eqin and Sophie booked a cab for me for 2.20am, which meant that I didn't have to wait for cab alone in the wee wee hours in the morning. Damn sweet of them to help out.
What I didn't know was that the cabbie was a little late in coming, so I thought another cabbie was the cab driver they booked and jumped into the cab and sped off to my destination.
Lucky nothing happened.
Poor Eqin was woken up by a call from the cab driver searching for me. Sigh. Feel so guilty.
Will make it up to them one of these days. Maybe buy flowers or something to eat. Which one better I wonder. The practical Chinese side of me says : something to eat, and flowers cannot eat one, the other, more romantic side says : flowers are heartwarming.
Got back at 2.45 am, immediately logged on to check emails and chat with friends.
So deprived am I.
And who was I to bump into online if not for Petra!
Gosh its been so so so long since I've last chatted with her. It's always either one of us is too busy to chat, or we're online at the most unstrategic of times, her being far far away is Christchurch, NZ being of no help at all.
Was good catching up.
Petra is one of those girls I'm absolutely comfortable being myself with, telling her everything - the truth, distilled - knowing that she'll always take me as I am, see things as is, and never judge. It was good talking about whats been happening, analysing our lives, loves, relationships, etc.
A lot has changed in us since we first met - for one thing I think now we're more comfortable being ourselves, we love ourselves more, we're no longer the insecure, 'I'd-bend-over-backwards-for-you-it-means-you'll-like-me' girls we probably once were. We're come to a point where we've accepted that there's no pleasing everyone, and that the most important people to please is ultimately ourselves. We might have lost popularity in search of sincerity, but you know what? Sincerity is worth a helluva lot more than a being liked by lots of people because you're such a pushover.
Don't like me? Fine!
Think I'm a bitch because I hold my own ground? Well thats fine by me as well. At least I don't get trodden on and manipulated by the likes of you.
Although I do admit that sometimes I tend to forget that. Because I want to be liked. And who doesn't? It takes a very strong character to eschew society's approval, or even that of your peers. Maybe I'm not all that strong. Because as much as I want to be myself, I'm very mindful of what people think of me, of who society wants me to be. Its difficult to escape the socialization I've been put through, to disregard the expectations heaped upon me:
'Oh you're the eldest child, you've got to set a good example for your siblings'
'Hey, you're a JPA scholar, you need to adhere to that code of conduct becoming of one'
or that 'Your parents are respectable people, you need to behave yourself and show how well brought up you are'
Or maybe its not exactly society's expectation of me, its just a standard I measure myself against, thinking its society's expectation of me, not realising its actually my own expectation of what society expects of me (are you as confused as I am now?).
I admire people like Izzy, who's got the guts and determination to be who she wants to be, society's views and judgements be damned.
How many times have we held back on things we've always wanted to do, missed out on priceless experiences, because we're afraid of what people may say?
In the end, who do we live for?
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