I *HATE* LONDON

Its super damn miserable here.

I used to think I like London... but you know what? I'd rather be at home, in my room, in Plymouth, anytime.

Then I realised something... the only reason why I used to enjoy coming to London was because my friends were here.

Its not the place that makes a place nice to visit... its the people.

Seriously no fun being in a big city alone... I've never felt loneliness like this before. It's as if no one cares whether I live or die here.

Yesterday I was so homesick I cried.

I wanted to call some of my friends to talk, but no one picked up... except for Kak Zah. At first it was supposed to be a cheery 'hey how are you, long time no hear' kind of thing, but I started crying just as I said hello.

I guess she was shocked. But it was nice to hear a familliar voice.

I don't even feel like going to Essex anymore.

I just want to go home.

Home to Plymouth.

Or better yet, home to Taiping. I can't wait to see Abul and Munir, and the other girls. I can't wait to meet up with Zul and Syucks when they come to London and see them off at the airport. I'll so so so miss them when they go back to Malaysia.

They say home is where the heart is... I don't know where my heart is. My heart isn't grounded to anywhere, or anything.

I guess its like the dandelion seeds, going wherever the wind blows.

I wish I knew more people in UK...

I wish I had family here. Family, not the kind that have to be related, cos they can seem like strangers sometime, but a family of friends where I know that no matter what happens, we can depend on each other. The 'Ohana' kind - where nobody gets left behind, nor forgotten.

Like my circle of friends back in KL...

Is that possible here? In a strange land? Surrounded with strange people?

Isn't it funny how you can be surrounded by people you know, and yet feel so heartachingly lonely.. and how sometimes just being with just a few people can make you feel so safe, so secure, so... at home and comfortable?

Oh well, I guess I just have to be strong.

Just two years here. It'll pass in a blink of an eye, I hope.

And when this is all over... I can say with conviction that there's just no place like home.

Dear God, please let this be all over soon. If not, please send me friends who can make this more bearable. And God, please let them be able to drink as well. If its not too much to ask of You.