Wedding plans

Sometimes I wonder if weddings are more for the parents than for the children. Sort of a closure for them to a point of life where their children are no longer theirs theirs. Something to help them let go.

I'm trying to plan two weddings in two different countries in a year. Between trying to take into account what both sets of parents want, draw up a budget and make initial arrangements, we haven't really had the time to think about, what more talk through what Will and I really want for our wedding(s).

I think if I had it my way I'd just rather have a intimate little ceremony with my closest family member and friends. At most, about 50 people attending. It would be somewhere isolated, like the beautiful beach just off the Datai. I'd wear a simple cotton dress and carry a bunch of handpicked wild orchids and have wild flowers in my hair. Killer heels beaded with irregular shaped pearls. Minimal makeup. I'd let my hair loose, and let the wind toss and tousle it as we say our vows. We'll have dinner on a boat. Then Will and I will sail off on our own for our honeymoon amidst the azure blue seas and we'll go deep water fishing and diving amidst the colourful fishes together.

I don't want to be bothered with yumchar, i don't want a church wedding, i don't want a huge banquet full of people I hardly know. I don't see a point of spending so much for just one day, even if I had the means to.

I don't see the big hoohah about weddings. Because ultimately, I just want to be with Will. Every day for the rest of my life. I want us to share our ups and downs together, talk nonstop until dawn like we always did when we were neighbours at the student village, read books and watch DVDs together.

Being so far apart sucks. I don't want to say 'I love you' over the phone anymore. I want to look into his eyes and say it to his face and show him how much he means to me. Today he told me one of the things he misses most is the two of us huggled together under the duvet listening to the sound of raindrops hitting against the window on cold winter nights. I couldn't agree more. Those little things that you take for granted is what you miss most.

Maybe one of the reasons why I don't care so much about the weddings is because i know i'll have the life i've always wanted: A close-knit family and a gorgeous husband who'll always love me and whom I'll always love, and most importantly look up to and respect. Someone I wholeheartedly trust and know that I can depend on.

Back to planning the weddings. I really don't know where to start. I don't know what I'm supposed to do even. I need a wedding planner! Any suggestions?