Sayang

Was showing my students how to do sit-ups for their Ujian Kecergasan when I heard a cracking sound and felt a sharp pain in my chest.

That was when I remembered that my ribs still hasn't mended from the accident.

It scared the hell out of me. Especially when I couldn't move.

The poor kids. I must've scared them half to death.

They were crying, "Miss Yong, you ok? Miss Yong... Miss Yong... Miss Yong?" I just managed to smile briefly and asked them to help me get up.

I looked at their concerned little faces and was really touched. Then I joked that I was getting old, which seemed to diffuse the situation a little bit...

Ah well.

I seriously sayang my students la. Anyone would, they're such a lovable bunch. Even Lau, our new temp teacher, said that they managed to worm their way into his heart. Such sweet kids.

I tend to dote on the naughtier ones more though. The ones who gives me the most problems, the ones the other teachers just roll their eyes at the mention of their names.

There was once a lesson went awry and I had to leave the class to cry because I was just so angry and frustrated (I know, so unprofessional - but I was PMSing as well) and the kids actually came up to me and said sorry. I was so embarrassed - they weren't supposed to know!

Even more surprisingly, my 'samseng' boys from Standard 6 somehow managed to get wind of it and came up to me saying, "Teacher, you cried ah? Nevermind, next time anyone disturb you, you tell us ok? We settle for you". So cute!!! Obviously I didn't say that to their faces la, must pei mein a bit - so I just said thank you and assured them I was ok.

It's the knowing that I've rubbed off on them, that they also love and care about me... little things like that that makes it all worthwhile. Yes, there are times when kids will be kids, sometimes they drive me up the wall and through it. There are times when sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. Times when I just want to throw in the towel.

But for all the bad, there are also times when I feel like I'm flying high. I love teaching them, doing activities together, I love seeing the light finally dawn on them when they finally get something that they have struggled to understand... that's what makes it all worth it.

They're growing up so fast! Too fast. I want them to stay they way they are forever. Sometimes I feel so protective over them - I don't want them to get hurt. I want to protect them from all the challenges that life will probably throw at them. But I know I can't. All I can do is to help them learn the skills they need to cope, build their character and help them prepare for whatever life throws at them.

I wonder if it's normal to feel like that. Could it just be one of the phases that new idealistic teachers go through? Could it be because they're my first batch of students? Would I turn indifferent after a long time in the profession like some of the teachers I've met? Am I being too idealistic?

I don't know. I have no answers. Just tons of questions swimming in my mind.

All I know is that I damn sayang them.