BUD (4) is great! I love the school, the teachers are so nice and cooperative, and the students are just so lovable!
I never thought I'd enjoy teaching so much, but the more I do it, the more I feel like, "i'm meant for this, this *is* my calling". It sounds so corny and so uncool though.
I remember in secondary school, no one (at least none of my friends) ever put 'teacher' as an ambition. People wanted to be CEOS, get into PR, be journalists, own their own businesses - jobs that were more glamourous and definately paid very well. To say that you wanted to be a teacher would probably incite derision and lots of teasing from peers.
But as fate would have it, I landed on a scholarship to read Teaching English as a Second Language at Marjon in UK. Hated it at first, rebelled like mad, but ended up joining them when I couldn't beat them. And when I finally accepted it, I began to like it. And now, there's so much joy in teaching that I can't imagine doing anything else.
I've learnt so much. Not just from the 6 years of training that I've had, but also from my students, my co-operating teachers and supervisors. Sharon Bakar, my moderator, has been so helpful and I can't help but be so motivated to try my best and help my children as best I can.
It's only been a month that I've been in that school, but it feels like i've been there forever. The easy familiarity with the teachers, the students hanging out at my table during free periods, the ups and downs that working with people bring. And I've become a better person because of it.
For one, I'm a lot more patient. Dealing with 43 hyperactive year 1 students really does develop that aspect of your personality. In my first week, I was so angry I almost tied a student to his chair and went to that class armed with masking tape to threathen them to be quiet. But now I've learnt how not to lose my temper and how to turn things around so that, well, if they won't be able to sit still and be quiet, I'm determined that the noise and movement they make will be productive noise - which would usually involve action songs like 'c-o-c-o-n-u-t' and 'a-p-p-l-e', so that they learn their alphabets at the same time get to move around and have fun.
The upper primary is a different ball game altogether. Like Adam and Eve after they've taken a bite from the tree of knowledge, the children are more and more aware of their gender differences. Boys and girls become segregated - their bodies are changing and they're ashamed of it. Just the other day, I did sports with the Year 5 students, and the girls were holding their t-shirts away from their chests. I was wondering why, and it finally dawned upon me that they were ashamed of their budding breasts.
I sat all the girls down around me and told them what was happening and how they ought to be proud they were becoming women. And I was shocked that some of the girls were never told about these things. Not by their mothers, and definately not by their other teachers. Why? They ought to be informed about whats happening to themselves, so that they accept these changes. And then I spoke to the boys. About how to be men, and things that I wish sometimes most grown men were taught when they were younger. About respecting women, and people in general, no matter who they are... (I caught one boy being rude to the cleaner and gave him hell for being disrespectful), because people matter and they have feelings, no matter what station they are in life.
Perhaps its too late with most men of my generation, but I hope its not too late for theirs. Or at least, these boys that I'm teaching. I've noticed a change in the classroom. They're more respectful towards each other. Groupwork is no longer gender biased, the girls no longer complain about the boys and vice versa. There's no more 'boys-against-girls' atmosphere in the classroom anymore. And it's such joy to teach a class like that (classroom management is so much easier when there's no protests about who being in which group).
Maybe I aim too high. I don't merely want to teach them the contents of the curriculum - I want to develop their characters, I want them to 'sek chou yan' (learn how to be people). In a way, I am disillusioned with our society - I don't agree with the way we treat each other sometimes.
Whatever.
I will strive to make things better - if not for me, then for others.
Some time ago, a teacher taught my class a poem. Desiderata, by Max Ehrmann. It was a lesson that I would never forget. I asked for a copy, and pasted it in my diary, and promised myself that I apply those principles in my own life.
Next week, I will pass it on.
I'm far from perfect - I have done things I'm not proud of... but I'm learning, and trying to be the best I can be.
* * *
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
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