whats the point?

Life really couldn't be better.

Everything I ever wanted I have. Amazing friends, the boyfriend of my dreams, an oppurtunity to travel the world.

I wanted all these and now I've got them. Of course I still want a lot of other things.

But you know those moments that catch you unawares, those horrible thoughts in your head that makes you wonder, even during the moments when you're supposed to be the happiest, 'whats the point of all these'?

Whats the point of making the bed if you're only going to sleep in it again?

Whats the point of showering if you're only going to get dirty again?

Whats the point of changing so many clothes when there's always more laundry to do?

Whats the point of living if for all that you do in your life, you're only going to die in the end?

These are extremely negative thoughts, I know, and I have no reason to be like that. Every day I try to push it away. I try to put on a smile and be happy and jolly and everything I have to be. And every day it becomes more and more exhausting.

I try not to brood. But day by day it becomes harder and harder to work up any sort of excitement about life.

Will keeps on saying that I have to take care of myself, especially after the accident. That now that I've had such a close encounter with death I should appreciate my life even more.

I don't even want to type the retorts that was going on in my head.

I don't know. I'm just too exhausted. Too tired to bother about anything around me anymore. I've lost that part of me that wanted to help people, fight for rights, right the wrongs.

At the end of the day, whats the point?