Whoever said 'thou shalt not live by bread alone'...

definitely never tried the bread that *I* made.

*ahem*

Yeaps, I finally tried my hand at baking my own bread, as the weather is getting colder and the prospect of walking to the store to get a loaf of bread doesn't sound very nice.

It all started with an sms though. A haiku that went: "mom's love - a slice of homemade bread. Walnuts are nice..." or something like that, I can't remember. From Malaysia, from an ex of three years.

His mom used to bake lovely, delicious bread, and since then I've developed a preference for homemade bread compared to the storebought version. And believe me, there *is* a difference. A HUGE difference.

So here I was, missing him for a bit, called him and we were chatting and he updated me about the going-ons in his family, his brother's getting married soon, another one decided to migrate to Oz, that kind of thing, and then we started reminiscing about bread.

About how his mom used to bake them in the afternoons for tea and we would sit together and talk about whats happening in our lives and she would advise me about everything and anything. I hate to say this, but sometimes I think she was more of a mother to me than my own mother. And I was probably the daughter she never had, hehe. He would sometimes come back from work later and find us sitting together talking or watching a movie or just perusing books together and we'd ask him to join us. He said he loved coming back to see the two of us having bread and tea together.

Ah well, those were the good old days.

Which reminds me, I should give her a call soon, been awhile since I've spoken to her.

Sometimes I don't know. Is it proper that I maintain such a good relationship with my ex? I've been with him 3 years. That 3 years he was my best friend, he was my confidant, he was my family. Its not to say everything was rosy, there were the bad times as well, he had his violent, aggressive moodswings, he had issues he had to deal with, that kind of thing, but things were basically pretty good. We had a lot of good times together, and we click.

People say it's unhealthy so be so close with an ex. Is it really? Why should it be, when we both know that although we're so close and all that, our relationship is not the kind that would blossom into something else? When we know that what we have is a genuine brother-sister care for each other? (yes, i do know it's a rather odd thing to discover after you've been together 3 years)

We understand each other in ways so many other people can't and should all these go to waste just because we're not together anymore? How anyone can so painstakingly nurture something and then callously just not care about it anymore? Do some people have that 'on/off' switch in their hearts that they can turn on or off at will that I don't? Or is it just that I can't control myself as well as they can?

I'm still young and probably naive. I trust people, maybe a little too much. I know have a lot to learn. About the ways of the world. About the ways of the people of the world. But in that learning and adapting, do I have to change all that much in the way I act and see things? Or maybe I don't even have to consciously change the way I act and see things, the experiences I face will, like it or not, change me. And I can only hope that its for the better.

Anyway, its a great day today. Had nasi lemak with Linda, Sudi, Hema and Kak Fiza. Bliss, I tell you. You guys in Malaysia don't realise how much we here miss Malaysian food man. They were regaling me with stories about what happened during their Kelana Convoy trip and all that. Ooh! I should've gone!

And spent the latter half of the day with Bansi. We went grocery shopping and after that had dinner together - the other half of the vegetarian curry I cooked for him, Alvin and Raymond yesterday.

He 'cleansed' my room. Some disturbances in the force. I'm superstitious that way, I guess. We did some prayers, burnt some camphor, and lighted a few incense sticks, and now the room's aura feels so much better. Or maybe it's psychology. Well whatever makes me sleep better at night, innit?