Rude Awakenings

I swear my housemate is trying to kill me.

Was woken up at 9am by a call from Prema reminding me about my shopping date with the girls this morning. I had forgotten, so i muttered my sleepy apologies and tried to go back to sleep, in vain. Giving up, I thought I'd catch them at the City Centre and go indulge in some retail therapy together, and get my favourite home made RumRaisin ice-cream at the Barbican.

I sleepily trudged to the shower to freshen up, and let out a shocked yelp as soon as the ICE COLD water spritzed my body. My housemate had turned off the heater.

I jumped to avoid the water in the tiny cubicle of a shower stall, stepped on her leftover soap and slipped with my back on the floor, head against the walls, and my feet in the air, like a Shieldtox-ed cockroach.

Don't say bonzai kitten, this was bonzai Vish.

The worst part was, I couldn't move, as the stall was slippery from the soap, and my hands were at an angle. I tried pushing myself up, to no avail.

The shower door opened from inside, so there was no way I could open it and roll out. Note that ice cold water was pouring down on me. I couldn't breathe properly because the water kept on going into my nose and mouth, and I felt as if I was drowning.

I started to panic.

Shit man, I don't want my body to be discovered like this! What the hell, sure make headlines one, for the wrong reasons. No no no no no no.

Okay okay, calm down.

I try to wriggle around, but it was pointless. I couldn't move.

I considered yelling to my housemate and asking her to get help. But then, there were some problems:

1) the door was locked
2) I obviously wasn't wearing anything

and if she were to get help:

1) she'd have to ask the college maintenance guys to break down the door
2) they'd find me, in my birthday suit, in a most humiliating position ever

NO WAY!!!

Okay, okay, I thought to myself, there MUST be some way I get get out if this um, compromising, situation.

The floor was incredibly slippery, and I had to somehow turn it over and use that to my advantage. I tried sliding myself into an upright position, but gave up, as I kept on sliding back to my original position.

The walls were rather slippery as well, so I gingerly lifted my legs against the shower to rinse them a couple of times until the walls weren't too slippery. I pressed my feet against the walls and sort of pulled myself up, but slipped instead.

Now I was stuck in an even more awkward situation where legs and butt was against the wall, my back was hanging in the air, and my head on the floor. More water pouring into my nose and mouth.

Dear God, Jesus, Allah, Hare Krishna, Mary, Siva, Kali, please, PLEASE, I don't want to die like that, I begged. No, not like this.

Oh God, please no.

I prayed real hard. My brain was in a frenzy.

I would most certainly like to be able to roll myself over into a ball and flip over without breaking my neck, I muttered to myself.

I tried for what must have been an hour, but seemed like an eternity to me. I cried, I cursed, I laughed in manic terror, but I did everything I could think of...

... and by sheer acrobatics and 6 years of gymnastic training, and (most probably, divine interference) I managed. Don't ask me how. I don't recall how I did it. All I knew was that I was struggling, struggling for dear life, struggling to save whatever shred of pride I had left.

I quickly turned the temperature up and stood there in the shower, shaking from cold and exhaustion, tearfully thanking God that I still live to tell the story.