EXAM TOMORROW...

... and I haven't done a thing to prepare.

Instead, I cooked tomyam today, rang up Doreen and invited her and Shin Yee to eat. While they ate, I finished half of a 2 litre tub of ice cream while talking, and a whole 200g bar Cadbury milk chocolate.

And you know la, when girls get together... wah liao juicy gossip session. Hehe. I've been so out of touch I wasn't even aware of so many thing happening. Sheesh.

After lunch, Doreen and I planned tomorrow's dinner, and then we went to her place, and ended up cooking dinner at her place... had my beef stock and we made to eat with beef mushroom soup to eat with noodles. Doreen's bf Kai brought chicken tikka, and we also grilled some beefburgers with loads and loads of cheese! Yummy!

Of course another major gossip session and moaning about job woes and talking about our lecturers. I think one of my lecturers hate me though. Well not hate, but I don't think she's overly fond of me... *sobs*

Ah well...

We went over to my place and had ice cream again. I finished up my choccies and Kai had more ice cream. Talked about future plans and stupid recordings we made of ourselves a few months ago. Was just looking through it, and my oh my, eeyikes! we were all so much thinner then!

Ended up not doing any studying... *sigh*

Oh and by the way I went to Flambards yesterday. It was fun! I love amusement parks! I went on the thriller rides like 3 times in a row, took crazy pictures of ourselves, Amyr puked a little.

I sort of got over my fear of heights by doing some sort of super high (I had to climb 4 flights of very steep steps) freefall thing (its like a 90 degree angle with a curve at the bottom)... omigod that was so so so scary, its not so much the falling thats scary, but the letting go and jumping off the ledge without protection. I couldn't even get down the 70 degree angle slide without clutching the edges until the skin on my palms were raw... and this is like... whoah... as i slid down the curve my bones felt like jelly. And its funny that I actually love the whole Solero drop thing in Genting, but I really can't do it... I'm actually shaking now at the memory of actually jumping off the ledge!

Can you imagine what those suicides were thinking as they debated to jump or not to jump?

There was this point where Amyr, Leli and I were supposed to jump together, I lowered myself but couldn't let go of the edge, holding on for dear life, dangling there until the people waiting for their turn had to pull me back up.

Even with the knowledge that people do this for fun and that it's 100% safe, I was so terrified. Those people must have been so so so down and hopeless that they would actually consider doing something like that...

Oh well... but I'm happy to report that I managed to do it twice. Telling myself over and over and over again that I could do it. Mind over matter. Telling myself that if I don't do it, I'll never get over the fear.

But the thing is, I'm still scared!!

I had nightmares last night. Its not so much the falling, the falling I can take, the falling I kinda like, it's the letting myself fall... knowing that once I fall, there's not going back up again.

It's just scary.

My friends were chiding me about that, like, "eh, all that thriller rides and all that you suka, but this one also cannot ah?"

Pretty ironic, innit, I don't mind being spun and dangled upside down at the top of a say, 60 feet drop, provided that I'm securely tucked in with belts and safety harnesses, but I can't even let myself go at a 40 feet freefall drop.

It must be something deep and psychoanalitical-able about it... but I'm not in the mood to analyse myself.

Not today.

I just need to get this out of my system. The flashbacks are horrible.

But I did it. Twice.

I say thats something I should be pretty darned proud about. Because I managed to conquer that fear, even if just for awhile.

*puff*

Okay, okay... back to mugging for the exams!