the wall :: the wall :: the wall :: i am surrounded :: the wall :: the wall :: the wall ::

I had a strange dream last night.

I was in this room, but the room was encased in a glass, and you were on the other side of it... and you kept on coming and coming until you reached the glass wall, so you were on the outside and I was in the inside of that glass room.

And you wanted to come in. I wanted you to come in. But somehow the glass wall was separating us.

You tried to get in. You pounded on it, and tried to break that wall. I just sat there and looked. And then you stopped. You looked at me and said that I had the key. But I didn't. You insisted that I did, and soon I began to believe that I did... and I was searching for it while you kept banging at that wall. I was searching and searching that I didn't realise that you stopped trying to break the wall.

And when I looked up, there you were, looking in. You were very angry. Very, very angry. I started crying, saying that I didn't have the key. But you still insisted that I did. And you were furious at me. But then after awhile, you began to believe that i really didn't have the key and tried and tried that break that wall, but to no avail.

You kept on trying and trying, and I couldn't do a thing. The emotions that was written on your face - hope, frustration, determination, and the anger... I don't know what else...

And then something inside me tells me that I shouldn't do that to you, that somehow the wall can never be broken. And I was scared. I did the only thing I knew how to do.

I ran away.

And you just stood there, the look of incredulous disbelief written all over your face. You shouted for me to stay. You told me not to run away. But I was scared, I ran away and hid in a cupboard.

You stood there in front of the wall for awhile. Perhaps waiting for me to come out. But I didn't. I couldn't. I couldn't bear to see the look on your face.

And after awhile, I heard your footsteps fading. You were walking away, finally.

Then...

Silence. I sat there inside that dark cupboard, and I heard your laughter ringing with someone else's.

And then I realised...

That I was still holding a piece of your heart.

And I started crying all over again. And the room began to flood. I really needed to get out of the room, but I couldn't.

And then I saw the key. It was just outside the wall, at a hidden corner. You were near, but you were with someone else. I was already gasping for air, the water was high... I shouted, saying that I saw the key, that it was at the corner. But you just ignored me. I told you that I had a piece of your heart, and you turned and coldly said that it was a worthless piece of meat, that you don't want it anymore.

I started crying again. You turned and walked away, smiling and laughing. You said I deserved it.

I was sad... but somehow, I was glad you were happy. I stopped struggling, stopped trying to keep afloat.

Slowly I sank, but there was a smile on my face.

And I drowned in that glass room.

I drowned in my own tears.